Learning to trust and learning not to trust.
Are the two opposite actions?
I trust that when you read these posts, I stir up some trust as well as provoke a positive response to the questions or stories. I hope you have confidence in my writing. I trust that you will use it for good.
You do have to discern about everyone and everything. Blind trust, is that good? What builds up trust? Who builds? Who knocks it down? What knocks it down?
Without a level of trust, insanity sets in.
Judgements, that most misinterpreted word, has to be made. We do not condemn to hell, but we have to judge behaviors. Anyone who throws back to you about not judging, are you able to trust that person?
What is trust? This is English of which we are speaking, so the word trust has several different meanings. Context is important!
I am writing about the belief that someone or something is sincere, and has your best interests at heart. It is not love, nor like. It is about doing no intentional harm, no trickery, no lies. Trust involves honesty, truth and facts.
This copy and paste link may help.
https://youtube.com/shorts/8xS__xYELfM?is=ZgbxHmExxJDaF15v
This link gives six definitions. One includes hope in the definition.
https://youtu.be/_ERD5-KWQ4Q?is=VFU_39saJIrR2P68
In child assault prevention and school violence prevention, trust is dicussed at length. It is everything.
********Tell a trusted adult.**********
Examples of trusted adults were solicited from and given to the children and adults in the room when I facilitated and presented. Not everyone had the same concept of an adult or trust when asked, "Who do you trust to keep you safe?"
Children will answer "their dog" to the ASK of "Who keeps you safe?" That may be a tell.
Do children say they trust strangers? Strangers can get a bad rap. Sometimes it is a stranger who actually helps. Does the Good Samaritan parable spark any response? Who stopped? Who did not?
The usual suspects for trusting may be the very ones who can not be trusted at all. Assaults happen more so in the world of the known and trusted people, then in the world of strangers.
Since people can not be granted perfect trust, children need to learn to trust their intuition, gut reactions, and feelings of joy or dread. Gavin DeBecker's book, The Gift of Fear, discusses intuition at length. It is an adult read. Trust in the inner voice is needed when it speaks internally or out loud. Even animals have the gift to trust or not.
Trust is fluid. Circumstances can change it.
A "good father", trusted to be just that, led his two children to a horrific death the other day. Was there any stage before then that the innocent children or their mother were losing trust in him?
Do the parents, in Bend, Oregon, trust their administration to keep their children safe anymore? Did they trust without a doubt before October 15, 2026?
The children at the Newport News school told teachers about JT. Do you think the children will trust that an adult will help them or believe them in other situations? They told. The adults failed to trust the children and their own inner self.
Trust can be lost by a sudden event. With clarity, you can discern who is worth your trust. Other times it could be a series of events. The curve of learning, not to trust a valued relationship, brings conflict. Denial is real. Fear is real.
Fathers, mothers, spouses, teachers, employers, priests, friends, doctors, lawyers all have positions of recognized trust. When that relationship breaks, the trust factor may hang on.
After trusting a spouse for many years, a betrayal is confusing. It can take time to learn that anything said, even in full confidence style, can be a lie.
Employers also promise all is well with the business, but broken fences and an uninvited gunman can rapidly change the dynamics. There was trust in a fence that failed.
Priests and clergy of all faith practices are not trusted as they once were. Why? Do any of us trust them the same way earlier generations did?
How about our government? In history, how have we unlearned trust in the system? Are we less trusting since everything is a 24/7 news cycle? Who trusts MSM anymore?
In child assault prevention it may be the government which betrays. Lockdowns, mandates, masks, school closures all factored in recently. How about mandated medications? Did mandates build trust, or over time, erode it?
How about the children who fall through the cracks in agencies paid to protect children? Did trust get betrayed?
In the home, parents are responsible for keeping their children healthy and safe. If one spouse protects an abusive, alcoholic, or drug addicted spouse over the children, and a child gets hurt, both spouses can face charges and lose the children to the system explained above. The Colin Gray and Colt Gray trials explain.
In our schools, how do you trust in relative strangers to protect your kids? Essentially, they are strangers at first. Do you discern the risks, advantages, cost, history? Do you trust the bus driver if your kids go to large regional schools? Do you trust the integrity of the building?
Building relationships of trust is imperative. But so is dismantling trust.
Do you want your child in a young romantic duo with an older person?
Do you want your child to get into a car with engine trouble? Do you trust the car, the driver, or the mechanic?
There are many questions to ask.
How do you resolve conflict when trust is no longer working? How do we rebuild?
I have lost trust in people many times. I do not trust easily yet I still live in the real world. My gut instincts have factored in.
In one relationship, I had to keep reminding myself I could not trust that person anymore. It was a learning curve. It was a relative stranger I had to trust more.
Trust, per the definition, involves hope. I never give up hope. When I stand in the darkness, I look to the light.
My motivation for today's post is that I looked at a sentence on a large painting. It reads:
"Jesus, I trust in you."
I used to light candles in front of a similar statue with the same words. I have trusted that sentence since I first leaned into it in 1998.
From the Teacher's Desk with Love,
Marian R. Carlino
November 6, 2026