LAWSUITS

 

Lawsuits-

After the shock and denial stages of dealing with school shootings or attacks, change to the anger stage, the lawsuits come.  You have seen the news.  The pictures are now predictable.  Shock, tears, people mingling in disbelief,  the prayer vigils (which would be mocked or declared un-Constitutional at other times). But anger will set in.  It is during this stage that many lawsuits are filed in the cases.

Sometimes people start filing right away.  There are time limits so filing against public entities is usually done within certain time frames.  Notice of Tort Claims are filed before lawsuits. Lawyers are generally involved.  

People want answers after the massacres or attack.  They want to hold someone accountable.  Fortunately, the killer  (if not killed or commits suicide in the action) generally is held accountable in a criminal court but they don't have the money.  So, the businesses and entities are targeted.  Parents, school districts, communities and law enforcement are always named.  

I cannot find fault in that.  But the targeted defendants have to be realistic.  Some will go after the gun manufacturers. I am not familiar with any lawsuits filed against car manufacturers or knife manufacturers when the damage is done with an automobile or steak knife.

The Hribal parents, in their video explaining the events of the time they learned that their son acted out the attack at Franklin Regional High School, explained that the mother noticed two kitchen knives missing after they learned the who, how and where of the attack.  Per the video, Alex took two knives from the block of knives on their kitchen counter.

Unfortunately, we do not find out the results of some court cases. Settlements out of court are made to "save the victims from a lengthy trial". Truthfully, the settlements are reached so that no one has to admit, "Hey, we got it wrong."

In the last few weeks, lawsuits have been announced from parents in Parkland, Florida; Orlando, Florida (Pulse Nightclub- two years ago this weekend) and now in Murrysville, Pa.

Las Vegas, Columbine, Virginia Tech, Penn State- pending and settled lawsuits brought about from the victims of the violence. Sandy Hook Elementary School parents went after the gun industry.

I hope the pending lawsuits go forward and are not settled. Everyone deserves their day in court in an honest or dishonest lawsuit.

I had my days in court with Northfield. Neither the parents nor the school district offered any defense.

This article link is about the lawsuit filed against the parents of the shooter in Sante Fe, Texas.  It asks some questions.  Sante Fe lawsuit.  The publication date is today. When was the Sante Fe shooting?  Answer- May 18, 2018.

From the article:  "The lawsuit filed against the Santa Fe shooting suspect's parents aims to hold gun owners responsible for the way they store their firearms around their troubled children. Experts say it fits into a nationwide pattern of gun liability cases that aspire to keep gun owners and manufacturers accountable through fear of high-cost lawsuits."

Marian R. Carlino

June 8, 2018

Stages of Grief

Stages of grief-

Thank you to Elizabeth Kubler Ross for her research in writing On Death and Dying, 1969. I read it so many years ago after our family lost a very young, loved one. I think the stages of grief can apply to areas of life even when no one has actually died, but someone has suffered loss.
Elizabeth Kubler Ross Foundation

This link has some wonderful quotes of Elizabeth Kubler Ross. One of her quotes is

“When you learn your lessons, the pain goes away.”
I am in workshop mode. This link gives worksheets that can be used.
https://www.therapistaid.com/therapy-worksheets/grief/none clicking on the pages gives a warning just so you know in case you chose to look at the worksheets.

The news is reporting (yes, Fox News but I also watch CNN, NBC and ABC etc.) that Charles Krauthammer is accepting the end stage of his life. He reports he has no regrets. Didn’t Barbara Bush accept death with grace also? I don’t know if she said she had no regrets.

But death is not always a physical loss of life. Are you going through a death of something and not someone? Have you ever experienced a person going to jail or a divorce? Have you ever lost a home to a flood, volcano or earthquake, fire, or forced to move? Has a loved one been lost but then is found? Is your community suffering from the loss of children in a school from drugs, guns, car accidents?

We go through stages of shock, denial, anger, depression and the acceptance when these events occur.We have all been there, haven’t we.? We have all experienced grief. I have lost people, places, and things in my life. I loved them all. But I had to let go and move on. If I hadn’t then I would have been stuck in one of the stages of grief that can lead to despair. Moving on does not mean we forget or cannot use the experiences to help others. We would never know about historical figures if we did forget. In fact, integration of the events into our present lives is actually healthy.

Yesterday, when I was watching the news about suicides, listening again to the parents of Alex Hribal in the video interviews, and the lawsuits being filed in several communities related to violence, I felt that part of these postings this week (while I am on a staycation with two of my favorite dogs) should involve the stages of grief.

The stages of grief that I experienced in 1998 included denial. I knew a shooting in my classroom could occur so it wasn’t that. I was in denial about the level of integrity, or lack thereof, that was present in the administration, CST and some BOE members. I was in shock for a time, too. The news on March 24, 1998 of the heroic death of Shannon Wright was shocking.  How could the district treat the issue that we were facing with such retribution when kids and teachers were dying across the country? Then depression for a few days. I didn’t take phone calls and I didn’t make my bed. Anger-yes. Righteous anger over what happened which led me to ask questions and get my head together for the next issues coming my way. And finally, acceptance and integration of the events into my life. I realized within the time span of the dismissal to when I spoke to the BOE on May 18, 1998 that “I didn’t need a classroom to teach.” I told Father Joe Newell that in one of our talks. The integration did not make the problems go away. I learned to work with them, sometimes falling back and forth between the stages.

I do get angry over the continuing school massacres. Do they bring up memories? Yes, but the memories lead me once again to action. The anger is righteous. Don’t let anyone tell you that you should not get angry. Jesus did if you are a follower of His. If not a believer, Ghandi must have been plenty angry over the injustices in his country. Martin Luther King, Jr., President Kennedy and Robert Kennedy were also angry- righteously. The rioters, shooters, knifers, plane and car/truck- jackers- are in a depressed state of some sort of grief and used their depression and unrighteous anger to maim and hurt others. They got stuck and brought others down with them.

Embrace the stages of grief. In the next part, the lawsuits that come after the shootings will be discussed.




Marian R. Carlino
June 8, 2018

Denial, stages of grief and lawsuits-
Part 1- Denial

As much as I am a follower of Jesus’ teachings, I have never adopted the philosophy of “kumbaya”, “don’t worry, be happy”, “or God will take care of it”. It is not that I disagree with the teachings that those expressions are loosely based upon but if one has ever read Scripture, paid some attention to the life of Jesus and his teaching while he was on earth; the stories of the prophets sent for years before Jesus showed up; and then the lives of the saints; one would know that taking a “don’t worry, be happy” philosophy is like putting a happy face sticker on a band-aid for a bleeding main artery and saying, “God will get this.”, then refuse to offer any further assistance.

There are many false teachers out there who are willing to let one look the other way and let God handle it… and that is when we have to pray for forgiveness for what we have failed to do.

If you want "Lord, Come By Here"- be prepared when He shows up. "Kumbaya, My Lord. What do you want me to do? Keep me from just singing."

Denial comes in when we fail or refuse to believe that there are situations that with prayer and practical application, we can act upon life. In order to get pregnant, two people have to join together. Mary was the one we are told through our faith practice who had the Holy Spirit work through her. She still had to consent. God would have allowed her to say, “No, not me. Try someone else for this job." Oh dear, Mary, thank you so much for taking on the task of carrying our Savior. He sent her an angel, not a burning bush.

Our Savior- too much for non-believers. I saw people say “rest in peace” this week after the two famous personalities committed suicide; people have prayer vigils after massacres; people mock Jesus and Mary- they must have been real. Jesus is the only one who resurrected and came back to talk about it. Mary is doing a lot of talking these days.

Denial, stages of grief and lawsuits are real before, during and after violent acts. Denial is not believing in something. In the cases of the violence in our schools, denial is first and foremost when people believe they are immune to heartache. Denial is also believing that God, who is real, does not expect you to “take the role” in prevention. Why would Saint Theresa of Avila relay the message that we are “his hands, his feet, his eyes, his arms, and his ears”, if He didn’t mean it?

Why is it that massacres are not prevented? God had a plan and gave the information. Someone knew. How do I know this? Not informed through a burning bush, but the Monday morning quarterbacking reports after the deed is done speak volumes. Reporters are on the cases for us, similar to the scribes. Not all the details may match but that is what the experts look for.

I have to be honest there have been times that I just want to say- “God, you handle this one.” He does handle it. He hands us pieces of the puzzle of life. I know because He never left me and has not put me to shame in the last 20 years of speaking about school violence. Again, No burning bushes have I run into, just people and the news reports about them, inform me.  Scripture is the source for learning about the “talk of God.”

The 1997-98 year was stressful (a warning sign of trouble in a class when the teacher is stressed and worried about safety). I prayed often and read Scripture. I went to an Ash Wednesday afternoon service to receive ashes in early February, 1998. I sent my daughter to ask if she could help. She was not happy. She wanted to sit passively too. I sure did. I sat next to a family I knew through school and my child’s friendship. My daughter came back to me and said she was not needed.

The next thing I knew, I heard my name called from Father Joe Newell who turned out later to be my spiritual director of sorts when the fan of life hit me. He said to me “Marian, we need you to distribute ashes.”

“Not me. Father, I am only a reader. I am not a Eucharistic minister.” I went to get one. He called me back. There was no escape. He did not grab me. I could have sat down and someone else would have stepped up.

The words I pronounced were “Turn away from sin and pay attention to the Gospel”. For a narrative that goes beyond my workshop intentions, I can just say, I did what I was told- at that moment and try ever since. I paid attention to the Gospel and I did take a clear look at my life. My life is a work in progress. I need affirmation of what I am doing is His work. He answers- usually through the news when it comes to the topic of violence- or sometimes personally.

I tried to get out of a role that God gave me as a messenger of repentance on that particular day. On that day He was preparing me for the role that also involved prayer and action. If you deny God, He will deny you. The role of teacher involved taking a roll- off the table of life I knew at the time.

I try not to be in denial about life or about God anymore.

If you lead your life in the “state of just singing", "just being happy and not worrying because you don’t care"; or "giving it all over to God" and not participating in the solution, well then, take a good look at your life. You just may be part of the problem.

I wasn’t given the type of work that Mary was so many years ago, but I was given something. As, Mary, I am very glad I got out of the stage of denial and said, “Yes”. I was probably more like one of the prophets, though, than like Mary, He had to call me back when I started to walk away. She said, “Let it be done to me according to Your Word.” I didn’t understand until I heard the words, “Turn away from sin and pay attention to the Gospel” coming out of my mouth as I blessed others. It sounded like the priest, the other Father Joe, was shouting the words in my ears. I was not deaf and he really wasn't yelling at the people he was blessing.

Denial can lead to an eternity of regret. Stepping out in faith and trust in God who sees the bigger picture, I can only advise that I have no regrets.

                                                                     

Marian R. Carlino
June 8, 2018