With a special thanks to Beth Moore. Several years ago, I attended a simulcast of her speaking event taking place live in a large city. As I listened and took notes, I realized the lessons she was teaching would be vital in formulating a child assault prevention lesson I was planning to present in a setting involving children and adults.
One of the worst pieces of advise for anyone involved in any type of assault reporting is: "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all." Thumper's daddy gave that advice in a Disney movie. Thumper was a rabbit. His daddy must have lived in a hole all his life- as do the people who use that term to teach children. It is not "nice" to talk about the behaviors associated with assault- sexual, physical, or emotional. But, talk we must.
Beth Moore titled her talk, "Healing Our Hurts with Kindness". Beth Moore has a definite style to her talks. This one was no different. There were specific points to be made. I used those points in my lessons as I will highlight in this blog.
Child Assault Prevention lessons and training sessions are mandatory for all who work with children in the Catholic faith at least in America. Children are also instructed by formal and informal programs in prevention and reporting.
With additions made for this writing, parts of the presentations are given here. One has to make the lessons brief when only 20-30 minutes are allotted for each grade level.
I have been invited here today to talk about safety. What does the word safe mean? Who are the people who make you feel safe? Where do you feel safe? In feeling safe, we must always remember who we are. Who made you? God made you and everyone else. Therefore, we are all children of God and each and everyone of us has the right to feel and be safe.
Each one of us is special and important to God. We are made in His image. God created our bodies to "be holy temples of the living God". Before He formed us in the womb, He knew us. Jeremiah the prophet, among other Scripture writers, tells us. We are to treat our bodies with respect and care. How do you care for your body?
Others are to do the same to us as we are to them. "Do unto others as you would have others do unto you." Some people misinterpret that saying and "do unto others as they have done unto me or do unto others before they can do it to me". Jesus warned about false teachers.
What does the word hurt mean? Hurt can be defined as causing physical or emotional pain or injury. Our bodies can be hurt as well as our emotions. Physical pain is not greater than or less than emotional pain. But, physical pain always involves emotional pain.
People who hurt us can be people we know. That happens most often in our lives although much teaching is given to protecting ourselves from strangers. The age, sex, or relationship to us does not guarantee safety from hurts. In Psalm 55, the psalmist knows about hurt. He writes about the hurt from a loved one: "If this had been done by an enemy, I could bear his thoughts, but it is you, my own companion. How close was the friendship between us." The word "bully" actually first referred to a friendship relationship.
In hurting, we are often afraid. God does not want us to be afraid. God even tells us: "Do not be afraid, I am with you."
When we are hurt by someone, God does not want us to get even or return the hurt. God expects us to love those who hurt us, but he does not expect us to love the hurt. Suffering happens in this life because we have fallen away from what God really wants for us. In Luke 6: 35-36, Jesus says "But I tell you who hear me, love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you and pray for those who hurt you." Jesus never said it is okay when someone hurts you. In fact, God hates and rejects sins that have been committed against us. Jesus knows that sin hurts us and also hurts the sinner (those who hurt us). The lover of violence God hates, but he loves the sinner enough to want change.
Jesus called children to Him. In fact when he lived, he had problems even with his friends who tried to keep the children from Him. He had a problem with the people who pretended to like or be nice to His children. He called called people like that "wolves in sheep's clothing" and warned against them.
Jesus is called the Good Shepherd because a shepherd protects his sheep with his own life. There is nothing hurtful about Jesus. There is only Kindness.
In order to stop or correct a hurt, we need to be kind like Jesus was kind. There was no duplicity with Jesus. As Beth Moore said in her talk, "kindness includes honesty and truthfulness. If we are kind, like Jesus, then the burdens or yokes we carry will be easy. Kind- chrestos- means rest for the weary."
(Beth Moore's points are highlighted in black and then explained in terms of child assault prevention by me.)
Kindness is not weakness. It is not about being "nice". Nice means ignorant and can be faked. Kindness is never faked.
In kindness, we can stand up for ourselves, use self defense, walk or run away to tell someone we are being hurt. We have the right to physically defend ourselves. God gave us gifts to defend ourselves- muscles, mouth and intuition. Intuition is sensing something is wrong and then we act to protect ourselves.
Intuition can be used to prevent trouble. "When I am weak, I am strong" with the strength that comes from God.
Kindness can speak a hard word:
We can use words to protect ourselves. "NO, STOP, You do not have the right to do that to me." Telling someone when we are hurt. We are obligated to protect ourselves from harm. Jesus protected himself. He defended himself in the courts of his time. They did not believe Him. He knew the suffering He took on would help others. That is why we honor him. Sometimes people do take on the suffering to help others....but that is the choice Jesus made. When someone chooses to hurt us, we do not have to choose to remain silent. Otherwise, Jesus' teachings would be unkind.
Kindness looks into the face of pain:
We need to get away from the hurt, but not ignore the problem. In sexual and physical abuse, the offender may actually be hurting others also. Our confrontation of the pain can help others as well as ourselves. If someone is hurting you, you need to confront the pain by getting others to help. Not in retribution, but in real help to stop the hurt. Even Jesus had a helper in carrying the Cross to his crucifixion. "Lord, when I call you come quickly to help me. Listen to my plea for help." Even the authorities called in Simon to help Jesus. They didn't call in help for Jesus' good, but the actions showed the goodness of Simon.
God will send people into our lives to help us. We need to hold each other accountable for kindness in order to be safe. The trusted people in our lives need to recognize the sound of God's voice in our pleas when we ask or need help. "If today, you hear His voice, harden not your hearts."
Kindness is a Savior:
Jesus is the Savior. He knows what it means to suffer hurt and pain. He was hurt by those who knew Him and those who didn't know Him. Walking with Jesus helps ease the hurt in our lives. Even in trouble we can trust God is in charge and that God has a purpose for what is happening even when we don't get it.
Zechariah's prayer says: "Through His holy prophets of old, He promised to save us from our enemies and from the hands of all who hate us."
With Jesus in your life, you can stand up to lions and win the victory. Don't let the political correctness and false interpretation of "turn the other cheek" get mixed up.
You are a child of God...He showed us that we are worth the fight!! We can heal our hurts with kindness. We just need to know the difference between being kind- or just being ignorant or indifferent to the hurt that goes on around us. We need kind saviors in our lives (lower case s).
Marian R. Carlino
May 25, 2013
(with credit to Beth Moore for her Kind words.)
