Parenting and The Nanny
One of my favorite shows is The Nanny starring a lady named Fran and a British actor who was very handsome. I still watch it on occasion and laugh out loud or as we say today LOL!!
Not only did Fran have class but a lot of moxie..(is that a real word?). My mom always used that word. But I digress. Everyone needs a moment or two away from reality. Fran could say and do just about anything, except for that one time she had "a lot of "splaining to do."
So, what is the point of this...
In The Nanny, the nanny was raising the children along with the handsome British theater producer because he was a widower. The nanny was a replacement parent because one parent was deceased. It worked for the television show. But, does replacement parenting work in today's world when both parents are alive, just busy with their own lives?
I drove a friend's son to the orthodontist the other day. While waiting, I selected a magazine from the rack to read. It's title was something to the effect of Working Mother. Of course any mother who is doing her job is a working mother whether collecting a paycheck or experiencing the societal guilt of being a stay at home working mother.
I selected an article written by a paycheck earning working mother. In fact the author may have even been the editor of the magazine. When I finished reading the article, I breathed a sigh of relief that my children are now adults and I am through the "working mother ' stage.
Having looked at life from several angles of the "working mother" description, I couldn't help but think out loud and on paper, just how misguided the author of the article is. I have been a married working mother, a stay at home working mother, and a single, working mother. After reading the article, I came to the conclusion that the author was clueless when it came to the term mother, although she had the term working right.
I kept thinking that there was no way that she could accomplish all that she claimed to do..at least not on her own. And then, there was the paragraph that explained it all. The author was working, but she had many replacements in her life who were actually doing the "mothering". Without a husband who did the regular child care, grandparents, friends, and paid help, the author of the article would have had to hire The Nanny, Niles and someone to clean.
We tend to romanticize working 24/7.. and think being a "super mom" is romantic. Really?
Replacement therapy is not working for our children. Children need their mothers and fathers.
Working mothers should not read articles written by working mothers...nor should they read the parenting advice given by television personalities who are at work at 3:00 am and still on the air at 5:00 pm. Their smiles are fake and their children are being raised by replacements.
The football league just got rid of the replacements....hum?
We can have it all, but not all at the same time.
Loved being just "the momma" for seven years. I didn't have to worry about who would take care of the children when they were sick. When I was working, my kids were cared for by great people..but it was not me. I sent my 18 month old to the babysitter with ugly chicken pox since he was the last one in the group to get them. What was I thinking? I worked with a woman who told her children they had to "throw up' before 7:00 am or else they had to go to school because we had to call in for substitutes (aka replacements) by then.
Who is minding your children? 'Eighteen and out" came very fast. Once your children leave Toyland, you can never return again.
Marian R. Carlino
September 28, 2012
