"B" and His Mom

The kid is dead….it was not good news.

When someone dies from drugs or violence, the veil of “he is at peace” is often used to cover the truth. The following is an editorial I wrote about the children who hung out at a house at the corner near mine. Not all of the kids were trouble makers, but some were troubled. One in particular suffered as a young child when his seemingly all together family (parents would hold hands and kiss in church at the sign of peace) was broken by divorce- infidelity. The father turned to a younger woman, and the mother turned to alcohol. Both turned away from their faith practice.

His obituary, when he died at the age of 25 in 2014, stated” his contagious smile and positive approach to life impacted so many people around him.” To come to grips with the death of a family member who was troubled, an obituary will list many falsehoods. The young man was troubled. My neighbor, who took offense at the editorial (below) because it was her house, told me once “this child has been on the streets since he was six.” That would have been about right, around the time the family broke up. Family and inner circle friends knew. He excelled at sports they said. Yes, he did. He “barked in the face of other team members” and was used as the lethal weapon against other teams. He was a troubled child who bullied others. People knew. Voices of concern ignored. His mother worked at the local school which was one reason he got away with behaviors which would have gotten other kids held accountable.

So, he is one of the kids who didn’t make it. People thought I didn’t care about him because I wanted him held accountable at hockey games, at school and in the neighborhood. The “barking” was something on which his coaches and I would disagree. A life of trouble. Some trouble he made for himself, some trouble was imposed on him. He is one kid I will never forget. His death is not romantic no matter how the obituary is spun. The adults in his life failed him. He failed himself, because he was a talented and very handsome young boy and young man. There is so much more to life when at a young age, people don’t abandon their children.

In 2015, an article on WHYY ran a picture of the bereaved mother of the deceased 25- year old. She was interviewed. Per the article, he was in and out of rehab from the age of 13. The phone call she received on the day of his death was that he committed suicide. He was addicted to heroin.  She wants to help others now.

As an at- risk youth told me years ago, “my mom let me on my own at the age of 12. She is trying to make up for it now." He told me it was too late. He was right. He was apprehended during our program for holding people at knife point. His mom bailed him out and he came to see me after that to offer those words of wisdom.

I am posting this editorial. Maybe there will be some other neighbor who cares and is not ostracized for caring. I can still see those hockey games. It wasn’t a pretty picture. There have not been new pictures of this kid since 2014.  The mother said she should have taken a picture of him in his coffin.

He was laid out at the funeral home owned by one of the hockey coaches with whom I would disagree- especially about alcohol.  The kid was buried out of the church I attended.  Sometimes the only time people visit a church is in a pine box.

 If you want to help the future, don’t lie about the past.
Letter to The Current April 11, 2002

A few years ago, when I started addressing the issue of school violence publicly, I was often told that the outbreaks were “isolated incidents”. It seems that point of view has been proven wrong time and time again.

The extreme outbursts seem to be the result of small incidents being ignored to the point where the attention seekers do the worst to get their point across.

We see it worldwide. I can’t do a lot for the world in general, but I can do something about my children’s schools and neighborhood. So, I write and call the police when I think something is wrong.

A recent article about the Patterson juveniles who are now facing murder charges is a sad story. Last June, a group of teenagers went on a “wilding” spree. That is today’s jargon for a rampage. As a result, several people were injured and one person was murdered.

Could these incidents have been prevented? Monday morning quarterbacking would probably say, “Yes.”

Good teachers, coaches and even some experts would tell you that we are to learn from the mistakes of the “game” so we don’t make the same errors again. Therefore, I am asking the parents of the kids who hang out at the corner, near my house to take a good look at what is going on.

When the children leave your property and harass others living nearby, they just might be on the path to more trouble. Let your children know that there are some people in the neighborhood who care about them and don’t want their “minor mis-behaviors” to escalate to something more serious.



Marian R. Carlino

April 11, 2002

At the time I lived in S.P., NJ. 

Coffee cups can hold more then just plain coffee.

Michael and Mrs. Weinstein

An ordinary murder-

This editorial was published in The Current on March 28, 2007

It may have been just an “ordinary murder” except for the fact that a teacher admired by her family, friends and colleagues had the presence of mind to record the events leading up to her death.

Therefore, in death, she probably reached more people than she would have in a lifetime of classroom teaching. And although the young man did not listen to her pleas for sparing her life, she did save his life. Her words, recorded, led to her murderer's apprehension. Without being captured, one can only imagine where he may have ended up had he not been stopped.

Who knows how many more people he may have killed or if he would have been killed himself. He is in prison, but there are worse places than that to spend one’s life. He is still a young man who may never see freedom again, but he can change his heart which was something Kathleen Weinstein tried to convince him to do.

Mrs. Weinstein’s colleagues can learn something from her last words and actions also. The fact that Mrs. Weinstein recorded the conversation indicates that she wanted someone to hear it. One of her former colleagues stated in The Press (AC) article "and I believe that she wouldn’t have told on him. She would have probably tried to help him. She was the kind of person that when she gave her word, she meant it.”

No one can help another human being by hiding the crime committed. Mrs. Weinstein would have told. Her recordings prove that. And in that recording is also proof of her commitment to being kind. For there is nothing kind about letting people get away with murder. We can all learn a lesson from Mrs. Weinstein.



Marian R. Carlino

Published in The Current March 28, 2007.



A high school student wanted her car and abducted her and killed her. It happened in 1996. It made the news again in 2007.

The principal of the killer said he was a high school sophomore and “described as average” and “not known for disciplinary problems.”

He went to plead guilty in 1997 per the article, but in 2007 he retracted his statement and had a new trial.  His first attorney had an affair with the mother.   He tried to argue it was not his voice on the tape.

New York Times article March 20, 1996

New York Times Article February 28, 2007

DAVID AND ME

The mother, in this scenario let The Press know…the result was a public response:

Just like the mother of the child with whom I worked (violent behavior, violent drawings), the parent of a troubled child took to the public to voice concerns. The mother of my student went to a bar and shared my workshop request. How do I know? Other parents told me. They were some of the parents who wrote their own letters of concern so many years ago.

Since the mother of a child in Dennis Township, NJ went public, some of us responded. Here is my response. And below it, is a response with another point of view to my opinion.   I remember Mork and Mindy.  I taught first grade at the time.  "NaNoo NaNoo".  Unfortunately, "Mork" is dead now too.

School’s concern was well founded—

Regarding the October 20 story- “Stick figure sketch lands boy, 7, on school suspension”:

 (The stick figure drawing was published.) 
The drawing shows very clearly that one named person is at the receiving end of another person with a gun. I would like to congratulate the child who did the right thing regarding school safety. According to the article, the child who was given this picture on the school bus gave it to his parents, who then contacted the school. The Dennis Township school district then took action, based on a policy set in place because of the extremes in school violence nationwide.

Every child and adult in every school has the right to be safe. When anyone, child or adult, violates the right to be safe, action may and should be taken. In this case, a picture is worth a thousand words. If a person stated that I am going to kill you, even without a weapon, only a foolish person would not take action.

Some may disagree with the type or amount of consequences given for a poor choice, but consequences do occur naturally and logically. Now the school district should find out why the incident occurred. The mother (of the offending child), who chose to go public with her complaints, should be grateful for the concern shown and should work with the school to solve the problem.

Marian R. Carlino 

October 10, 2007 

The stick figure had a boy’s name David with another stick figure, named, Me holding a gun at the back of the David stick figure.
This is a response from a reader online: (spelling errors of the response are not corrected) 

No, Marian Carlino is an idiot who writes to the papers frequently and spouts off nonsense.  She doesn’t understand that a 7 year old doesn’t posess the cognitive skills or thought processes to sit and form intent that was alleged by the stupendously stupid school district.  The only danger here was the risk of a paper cut.  This was a typical knee-jerk reaction by a bunch of morons who biggest concern is to wrap up a days work in time to get home and watch Mork and Mindy reruns on TV Land.

I hope this childs mother sues tha pants off the school district and wins millions.  Maybe then voters will think twice before electing morons to the school board who make stupid policies and actually elect a few people with intelligence.  What was needed here was a careful, measured response.  Would it have killed the principal to talk to the child and parent?  Maybe do a little education, you know, like schools are supposed to do.  Posted by Scott on Sat Oct 27, 2007 2:19 pm

Two other editorials thought the school district over reacted. One is included below. People talked about the issue on the radio too. Both writers assumed a suspension was done before talking to the parents. 

Let’s lighten up on boy’s sketch

How complicated was the behavior of the second-grader who was suspended for a day because his art work included a stick figure hold a weapon pointed at another stick figure?

Did he know about the zero tolerance policy? Was he crying for help? Or was he concerned about the president’s veto of the State Children’s Health Insurance Program?

He’s 7 years old, for God’s sake.

Anthony Notturno

Villas

How many people lightened up on Cruz, (not Tom) or the Columbine killers, or all the others- when they were 7?

Young children form intent.

Marian R. Carlino

June 23, 2018