The kid is dead….it was not good news.
When someone dies from drugs or violence, the veil of “he is at peace” is often used to cover the truth. The following is an editorial I wrote about the children who hung out at a house at the corner near mine. Not all of the kids were trouble makers, but some were troubled. One in particular suffered as a young child when his seemingly all together family (parents would hold hands and kiss in church at the sign of peace) was broken by divorce- infidelity. The father turned to a younger woman, and the mother turned to alcohol. Both turned away from their faith practice.
His obituary, when he died at the age of 25 in 2014, stated” his contagious smile and positive approach to life impacted so many people around him.” To come to grips with the death of a family member who was troubled, an obituary will list many falsehoods. The young man was troubled. My neighbor, who took offense at the editorial (below) because it was her house, told me once “this child has been on the streets since he was six.” That would have been about right, around the time the family broke up. Family and inner circle friends knew. He excelled at sports they said. Yes, he did. He “barked in the face of other team members” and was used as the lethal weapon against other teams. He was a troubled child who bullied others. People knew. Voices of concern ignored. His mother worked at the local school which was one reason he got away with behaviors which would have gotten other kids held accountable.
So, he is one of the kids who didn’t make it. People thought I didn’t care about him because I wanted him held accountable at hockey games, at school and in the neighborhood. The “barking” was something on which his coaches and I would disagree. A life of trouble. Some trouble he made for himself, some trouble was imposed on him. He is one kid I will never forget. His death is not romantic no matter how the obituary is spun. The adults in his life failed him. He failed himself, because he was a talented and very handsome young boy and young man. There is so much more to life when at a young age, people don’t abandon their children.
In 2015, an article on WHYY ran a picture of the bereaved mother of the deceased 25- year old. She was interviewed. Per the article, he was in and out of rehab from the age of 13. The phone call she received on the day of his death was that he committed suicide. He was addicted to heroin. She wants to help others now.
As an at- risk youth told me years ago, “my mom let me on my own at the age of 12. She is trying to make up for it now." He told me it was too late. He was right. He was apprehended during our program for holding people at knife point. His mom bailed him out and he came to see me after that to offer those words of wisdom.
I am posting this editorial. Maybe there will be some other neighbor who cares and is not ostracized for caring. I can still see those hockey games. It wasn’t a pretty picture. There have not been new pictures of this kid since 2014. The mother said she should have taken a picture of him in his coffin.
He was laid out at the funeral home owned by one of the hockey coaches with whom I would disagree- especially about alcohol. The kid was buried out of the church I attended. Sometimes the only time people visit a church is in a pine box.
If you want to help the future, don’t lie about the past.
Letter to The Current April 11, 2002
A few years ago, when I started addressing the issue of school violence publicly, I was often told that the outbreaks were “isolated incidents”. It seems that point of view has been proven wrong time and time again.
The extreme outbursts seem to be the result of small incidents being ignored to the point where the attention seekers do the worst to get their point across.
We see it worldwide. I can’t do a lot for the world in general, but I can do something about my children’s schools and neighborhood. So, I write and call the police when I think something is wrong.
A recent article about the Patterson juveniles who are now facing murder charges is a sad story. Last June, a group of teenagers went on a “wilding” spree. That is today’s jargon for a rampage. As a result, several people were injured and one person was murdered.
Could these incidents have been prevented? Monday morning quarterbacking would probably say, “Yes.”
Good teachers, coaches and even some experts would tell you that we are to learn from the mistakes of the “game” so we don’t make the same errors again. Therefore, I am asking the parents of the kids who hang out at the corner, near my house to take a good look at what is going on.
When the children leave your property and harass others living nearby, they just might be on the path to more trouble. Let your children know that there are some people in the neighborhood who care about them and don’t want their “minor mis-behaviors” to escalate to something more serious.
Marian R. Carlino
April 11, 2002
At the time I lived in S.P., NJ.
Letter to The Current April 11, 2002
A few years ago, when I started addressing the issue of school violence publicly, I was often told that the outbreaks were “isolated incidents”. It seems that point of view has been proven wrong time and time again.
The extreme outbursts seem to be the result of small incidents being ignored to the point where the attention seekers do the worst to get their point across.
We see it worldwide. I can’t do a lot for the world in general, but I can do something about my children’s schools and neighborhood. So, I write and call the police when I think something is wrong.
A recent article about the Patterson juveniles who are now facing murder charges is a sad story. Last June, a group of teenagers went on a “wilding” spree. That is today’s jargon for a rampage. As a result, several people were injured and one person was murdered.
Could these incidents have been prevented? Monday morning quarterbacking would probably say, “Yes.”
Good teachers, coaches and even some experts would tell you that we are to learn from the mistakes of the “game” so we don’t make the same errors again. Therefore, I am asking the parents of the kids who hang out at the corner, near my house to take a good look at what is going on.
When the children leave your property and harass others living nearby, they just might be on the path to more trouble. Let your children know that there are some people in the neighborhood who care about them and don’t want their “minor mis-behaviors” to escalate to something more serious.
Marian R. Carlino
April 11, 2002
At the time I lived in S.P., NJ.
Coffee cups can hold more then just plain coffee.
