Denial, stages of grief and lawsuits-
Part 1- Denial

As much as I am a follower of Jesus’ teachings, I have never adopted the philosophy of “kumbaya”, “don’t worry, be happy”, “or God will take care of it”. It is not that I disagree with the teachings that those expressions are loosely based upon but if one has ever read Scripture, paid some attention to the life of Jesus and his teaching while he was on earth; the stories of the prophets sent for years before Jesus showed up; and then the lives of the saints; one would know that taking a “don’t worry, be happy” philosophy is like putting a happy face sticker on a band-aid for a bleeding main artery and saying, “God will get this.”, then refuse to offer any further assistance.

There are many false teachers out there who are willing to let one look the other way and let God handle it… and that is when we have to pray for forgiveness for what we have failed to do.

If you want "Lord, Come By Here"- be prepared when He shows up. "Kumbaya, My Lord. What do you want me to do? Keep me from just singing."

Denial comes in when we fail or refuse to believe that there are situations that with prayer and practical application, we can act upon life. In order to get pregnant, two people have to join together. Mary was the one we are told through our faith practice who had the Holy Spirit work through her. She still had to consent. God would have allowed her to say, “No, not me. Try someone else for this job." Oh dear, Mary, thank you so much for taking on the task of carrying our Savior. He sent her an angel, not a burning bush.

Our Savior- too much for non-believers. I saw people say “rest in peace” this week after the two famous personalities committed suicide; people have prayer vigils after massacres; people mock Jesus and Mary- they must have been real. Jesus is the only one who resurrected and came back to talk about it. Mary is doing a lot of talking these days.

Denial, stages of grief and lawsuits are real before, during and after violent acts. Denial is not believing in something. In the cases of the violence in our schools, denial is first and foremost when people believe they are immune to heartache. Denial is also believing that God, who is real, does not expect you to “take the role” in prevention. Why would Saint Theresa of Avila relay the message that we are “his hands, his feet, his eyes, his arms, and his ears”, if He didn’t mean it?

Why is it that massacres are not prevented? God had a plan and gave the information. Someone knew. How do I know this? Not informed through a burning bush, but the Monday morning quarterbacking reports after the deed is done speak volumes. Reporters are on the cases for us, similar to the scribes. Not all the details may match but that is what the experts look for.

I have to be honest there have been times that I just want to say- “God, you handle this one.” He does handle it. He hands us pieces of the puzzle of life. I know because He never left me and has not put me to shame in the last 20 years of speaking about school violence. Again, No burning bushes have I run into, just people and the news reports about them, inform me.  Scripture is the source for learning about the “talk of God.”

The 1997-98 year was stressful (a warning sign of trouble in a class when the teacher is stressed and worried about safety). I prayed often and read Scripture. I went to an Ash Wednesday afternoon service to receive ashes in early February, 1998. I sent my daughter to ask if she could help. She was not happy. She wanted to sit passively too. I sure did. I sat next to a family I knew through school and my child’s friendship. My daughter came back to me and said she was not needed.

The next thing I knew, I heard my name called from Father Joe Newell who turned out later to be my spiritual director of sorts when the fan of life hit me. He said to me “Marian, we need you to distribute ashes.”

“Not me. Father, I am only a reader. I am not a Eucharistic minister.” I went to get one. He called me back. There was no escape. He did not grab me. I could have sat down and someone else would have stepped up.

The words I pronounced were “Turn away from sin and pay attention to the Gospel”. For a narrative that goes beyond my workshop intentions, I can just say, I did what I was told- at that moment and try ever since. I paid attention to the Gospel and I did take a clear look at my life. My life is a work in progress. I need affirmation of what I am doing is His work. He answers- usually through the news when it comes to the topic of violence- or sometimes personally.

I tried to get out of a role that God gave me as a messenger of repentance on that particular day. On that day He was preparing me for the role that also involved prayer and action. If you deny God, He will deny you. The role of teacher involved taking a roll- off the table of life I knew at the time.

I try not to be in denial about life or about God anymore.

If you lead your life in the “state of just singing", "just being happy and not worrying because you don’t care"; or "giving it all over to God" and not participating in the solution, well then, take a good look at your life. You just may be part of the problem.

I wasn’t given the type of work that Mary was so many years ago, but I was given something. As, Mary, I am very glad I got out of the stage of denial and said, “Yes”. I was probably more like one of the prophets, though, than like Mary, He had to call me back when I started to walk away. She said, “Let it be done to me according to Your Word.” I didn’t understand until I heard the words, “Turn away from sin and pay attention to the Gospel” coming out of my mouth as I blessed others. It sounded like the priest, the other Father Joe, was shouting the words in my ears. I was not deaf and he really wasn't yelling at the people he was blessing.

Denial can lead to an eternity of regret. Stepping out in faith and trust in God who sees the bigger picture, I can only advise that I have no regrets.

                                                                     

Marian R. Carlino
June 8, 2018