Stages of Grief

Stages of grief-

Thank you to Elizabeth Kubler Ross for her research in writing On Death and Dying, 1969. I read it so many years ago after our family lost a very young, loved one. I think the stages of grief can apply to areas of life even when no one has actually died, but someone has suffered loss.
Elizabeth Kubler Ross Foundation

This link has some wonderful quotes of Elizabeth Kubler Ross. One of her quotes is

“When you learn your lessons, the pain goes away.”
I am in workshop mode. This link gives worksheets that can be used.
https://www.therapistaid.com/therapy-worksheets/grief/none clicking on the pages gives a warning just so you know in case you chose to look at the worksheets.

The news is reporting (yes, Fox News but I also watch CNN, NBC and ABC etc.) that Charles Krauthammer is accepting the end stage of his life. He reports he has no regrets. Didn’t Barbara Bush accept death with grace also? I don’t know if she said she had no regrets.

But death is not always a physical loss of life. Are you going through a death of something and not someone? Have you ever experienced a person going to jail or a divorce? Have you ever lost a home to a flood, volcano or earthquake, fire, or forced to move? Has a loved one been lost but then is found? Is your community suffering from the loss of children in a school from drugs, guns, car accidents?

We go through stages of shock, denial, anger, depression and the acceptance when these events occur.We have all been there, haven’t we.? We have all experienced grief. I have lost people, places, and things in my life. I loved them all. But I had to let go and move on. If I hadn’t then I would have been stuck in one of the stages of grief that can lead to despair. Moving on does not mean we forget or cannot use the experiences to help others. We would never know about historical figures if we did forget. In fact, integration of the events into our present lives is actually healthy.

Yesterday, when I was watching the news about suicides, listening again to the parents of Alex Hribal in the video interviews, and the lawsuits being filed in several communities related to violence, I felt that part of these postings this week (while I am on a staycation with two of my favorite dogs) should involve the stages of grief.

The stages of grief that I experienced in 1998 included denial. I knew a shooting in my classroom could occur so it wasn’t that. I was in denial about the level of integrity, or lack thereof, that was present in the administration, CST and some BOE members. I was in shock for a time, too. The news on March 24, 1998 of the heroic death of Shannon Wright was shocking.  How could the district treat the issue that we were facing with such retribution when kids and teachers were dying across the country? Then depression for a few days. I didn’t take phone calls and I didn’t make my bed. Anger-yes. Righteous anger over what happened which led me to ask questions and get my head together for the next issues coming my way. And finally, acceptance and integration of the events into my life. I realized within the time span of the dismissal to when I spoke to the BOE on May 18, 1998 that “I didn’t need a classroom to teach.” I told Father Joe Newell that in one of our talks. The integration did not make the problems go away. I learned to work with them, sometimes falling back and forth between the stages.

I do get angry over the continuing school massacres. Do they bring up memories? Yes, but the memories lead me once again to action. The anger is righteous. Don’t let anyone tell you that you should not get angry. Jesus did if you are a follower of His. If not a believer, Ghandi must have been plenty angry over the injustices in his country. Martin Luther King, Jr., President Kennedy and Robert Kennedy were also angry- righteously. The rioters, shooters, knifers, plane and car/truck- jackers- are in a depressed state of some sort of grief and used their depression and unrighteous anger to maim and hurt others. They got stuck and brought others down with them.

Embrace the stages of grief. In the next part, the lawsuits that come after the shootings will be discussed.




Marian R. Carlino
June 8, 2018