For over 20 years now since the administration and school board in Northfield, NJ retaliated against me for seeking help for us to deal with a violent child ( read other posts), there have been many school shootings. Some have been massacres. The survivors have predictable responses in grief. But they are victims and see in a limited view. Some only see the weapon used. The world wants an easy fix. There is no easy fix. The weapons are not to blame.
Three newspapers, Denver Post, Hartford Courant, and now the Sun Sentinel out of Broward County, Florida have done research, filed open record lawsuits, and have published articles which should open some minds.
If you are a teacher, an administrator, school board member, have kids, or care one iota about your community, you should read what these newspapers have and continue to report. The next shooter reads. Mental illness or evil genius, the shooters do their research too.
The Sun Sentinel is reporting on reports that point to what I said 20 years ago.
Do you want others to read about the incompetence in your school district after a massacre?
Homicidal/suicidal maniacs bring suffering. It is not painless and it is not of God.
The prophets and those who can see the handwriting on the wall...listen to them.
Marian R. Carlino
12/29/2018
Sunday, December 30, 2018
Sunday, November 18, 2018
Perjurer Answers to God
Editorial published in the AC Press..12/22/1998
There has been much talk lately about President Clinton and whether or not perjury was committed. Debate t.v. is rampant with attorneys- defense and prosecutors- arguing their points. Polls state that the general public wants to move on and forgive, even if he did commit perjury. But forgiveness is a process, and in most relationships, it takes more than one for the forgiving process to work.
Legally, perjury is defined as "an actor, in any official proceeding, while under oath or equivalent affirmation, making a false statement or swearing or affirming the truth of a statement previously made, when the statement was material and the actor did not believe it to be true." That is the legal definition.
But since our judicial system is rife with human error, someone can lie straight faced and get away with it.
However, there is one source of justice that the actor must eventually face One of the 10 Commandments states that we are not to bear false witness against our neighbor. However, on judgment day, those who believe in a God of justice should be aware that you may have answer to Him if you haven't made amends.
The tricky part is, none of us know when that day will be. Maybe we all need to remember that today is not the first day of the rest of our lives but it may indeed also be the last. Those who protect and know the actor lied are responsible too.
Marian R. Carlino
12/22/1998.
There has been much talk lately about President Clinton and whether or not perjury was committed. Debate t.v. is rampant with attorneys- defense and prosecutors- arguing their points. Polls state that the general public wants to move on and forgive, even if he did commit perjury. But forgiveness is a process, and in most relationships, it takes more than one for the forgiving process to work.
Legally, perjury is defined as "an actor, in any official proceeding, while under oath or equivalent affirmation, making a false statement or swearing or affirming the truth of a statement previously made, when the statement was material and the actor did not believe it to be true." That is the legal definition.
But since our judicial system is rife with human error, someone can lie straight faced and get away with it.
However, there is one source of justice that the actor must eventually face One of the 10 Commandments states that we are not to bear false witness against our neighbor. However, on judgment day, those who believe in a God of justice should be aware that you may have answer to Him if you haven't made amends.
The tricky part is, none of us know when that day will be. Maybe we all need to remember that today is not the first day of the rest of our lives but it may indeed also be the last. Those who protect and know the actor lied are responsible too.
Marian R. Carlino
12/22/1998.
Saturday, November 10, 2018
Mandated Reporting- CYS not CYA
Many are under the misguided information that only professionals are responsible for submitting reports on suspected child abuse. Read state laws- are you over 18?
In 2005, after heading back into the workforce, I decided I wanted to work in child assault prevention so I started working with a child assault prevention program that worked in schools- public and private and in Catholic religious education programs. I had heard about it because as a volunteer in the Catholic Church, I had to undergo background checks and training as a direct result of the clergy abuse scandal. As a former public school teacher, I experienced background checks. I also, at the time in 2005, had just started working with a federally funded program for at risk youth at a local community college. Employers do background checks.
The overall response to people going into schools to address the issue of child assault prevention was a mixed bag. Some teachers were very welcoming and some just thought we were wasting the time he or she would have to teach. Hey, as a former classroom and LRC teacher, I got it. I was possessive of the time I had to teach as well,but I always shared "my kids" with others. I didn't think that others didn't have information to offer. Ask Andy, she shared my classroom as she came in as LRC teacher in 1996-97 and 1997-98. I have thank you notes from her to prove it!
As a facilitator for NJCAP, I presented workshops (all memorized script) to adults and children. I even presented to friends in their classrooms and in my former school district of Northfield, NJ. Like any bell curve event in life, some take the information to mind and heart, others ignore.
The bell curve of life- some are at one extreme or the other at least once in awhile but most of the time, we straddle in the middle.
For over two years, I worked with NJCAP. The underlying concept of the program started as a result of children reporting on rape. A dedicated group of people got it started. Most of us worked part time- per hour wages. The administration were the only full time staff.
As workshop presenters we worked under the guidance of the area coordinator. The one I worked under was a great presenter and knowledgeable. The presentations were scripted but based on research and data. The presentations were scripted and the answers to questions- scripted for the most part. The presentations had to be uniform for various reasons. I had no trouble with the script.
My coworkers and I were willing to work part time. Some were retired teachers, a retired probation officer, a retired nurse, a retired DYFS worker, one an aspiring actress and wife of a wealthy casino investor/operator, and one who needed a job- and a parent looking for part time work. We all worked well together. Our coordinator had no formal education beyond high school.
After our presentations, we would go out into the hallway to review with any child who wanted to talk to us separately. Most of the time, it was review. But sometimes, reports had to be made because of disclosures. Some warranted school personal being advised. Others, also involved notifying the 800 child assault line. Again, there was protocol to follow.
NJCAP is funded and dependent on schools inviting the group in. Schools are protective of their secrets so not all schools wanted a prevention/intervention program to enter its doors. Parents could opt out if they did not want their children in the presentations. Some teachers even could opt out. Those teachers who opted out, one would wonder why?
In February 2008, a co-facilitator made a call to DYFS. It was a good call. But it became controversial when the person/offender of interest took offense. NJCAP broke their own protocol with speaking with the person on a phone. At the school, on another visit, we were put on a limited lock down. The irate person wanted to come and talk to the reporters.
At the end of that day, I told our coordinator that the administration of NJCAP had broken protocol.
They must have discussed our conversation. The coordinator told me that day that a policy to get permission to report was going to be instituted. I told her to read the law and if I thought I had a report, I would go outside the school building and report.
The next day, a new policy was instituted. ( before and must were underlined by the coordinator who sent it out)
February 2008
"It shall be the policy of the Atlantic/Cape May Project that before any facilitator makes a report to DYFS or the local prosecutor, he/she must contact (insert name of coordinator), County Coordinator.
If the Coordinator is not available, the facilitator will contact NJCAP Regional Training Center at (insert phone number of center).
Failure to comply with this policy will result in dismissal and decertification of said facilitator."
(Please note: Prosecutor's office is called when the accused is an employee of the district or diocese.)
Once the new policy came out, I asked if they read the statute on mandated reporters. I took myself off the active roster until they received an attorney review. The administrators would not do one and told me - "they thought I had been easy to work with" (until then) but could not afford an attorney review. Their mistake. My fellow facilitators were absolute cowards in this. They did not like the new policy but followed it,putting themselves and the abused children at risk.
I contacted the prosecutors office and the diocesan offices. I have the letters. The administrators of NJCAP refused to get a legal perspective , but the prosecutors office and the Camden Diocesan office were concerned.
The Atlantic county prosecutor contacted me in writing and forwarded my concerns to the Camden Diocese. Eventually, NJCAP had to modify the new policy.
On March 10, 2008 a update policy was given to facilitators:
It noted NJ State Law (N.J.S.A 9:6-8.10) requires "Any person having reasonable cause to believe that a child has been subjected to child abuse or acts of child abuse shall report the same immediately to the Division of Youth and Family Services by telephone at 1-800-830-9234" l 1971, c. 437, s 3; amended by L.1987, c.341, c4
"It shall be the policy of NJCAP that a CAP facilitator, upon hearing a disclosure which rising to the level of abuse, shall immediately report the incident to DYFS/Prosecutor's Office. The report will be made in conjunction with the school contact person so that DYFS will be able to obtain personal information on and ongoing support for the student.
If the CAP facilitator would like to confer with the CAP County Coordinator he/she may do so as along as this does not interfere with the immediacy of the report or the direct reporting by the person who received the initial disclosure.
If the coordinator is not available, the facilitator may contact NJ CAP Regional Training Center at (insert phone number here).
After the call has been made to DYFA/Prosecutor's Office, the CAP facilitator must inform the CAP County Coordinator of the report if this has not already been done and so ensure that the Coordinator may respond to any DYFS or school inquiries on the case." (IMMEDIATELY WAS IN BOLD PRINT- I PUT IT IN RED SO TO DRAW IT TO THE READER'S ATTENTION AS I HAVE BOLDED THE NEW POLICIES.)
JUST LIKE THE ADMINISTRATORS IN SCHOOLS, THE CATHOLIC CHURCH AND OTHER ORGANIZATIONS, THE COORDINATOR TRIED TO BLAME THE REPORTERS (I WAS NOT THE REPORTER ON THIS ONE BUT SUPPORTED THE REPORTER). THE COORDINATOR WAS AFRAID OF NJCAP'S REPUTATION BEING SULLIED BY TOO MANY REPORTS AS HER EMAIL TO ME STATED AFTER A FACILITATORS MEETING ON THE ISSUE AT HER HOUSE.
On April 14, 2008, I received a thank you letter from the Camden Catholic Diocese Director of Safe Environment for Children, Youth and Adults. He said the modified policy is well done and he said he appreciated my concerns regarding this.
I live in another state and city now, but before I moved from south Jersey, I ran into the Coordinator as her role continued with NJCAP. I did her a favor at that time in 2008.
Not long after that, people who worked for DYFS were going to trial for not doing their jobs in saving the lives of children.
Are you a mandated reporter? Find out. Years ago in schools it also used to be policy for a teacher to have to report to the principal first. Thank goodness that policy is no longer in effect- it wasn't even in effect in 2008.
Reporters are not investigators- that is the job of the police, DYFS or whatever the agency in your state is called. You may know it by CYS.. it is not called - CYA.
NJCAP continues to work in the schools. It is needed and is an international organization. I never asked for the "head of the coordinator", I asked for a change in policy. Reasonable heads prevailed. And I could look my former co-workers in the eye with honesty. I received thank you notes and words of thanks from them too.
Are you an advocate for children? You don't need a classroom to teach.
Marian R. Carlino
November 10, 2018
In 2005, after heading back into the workforce, I decided I wanted to work in child assault prevention so I started working with a child assault prevention program that worked in schools- public and private and in Catholic religious education programs. I had heard about it because as a volunteer in the Catholic Church, I had to undergo background checks and training as a direct result of the clergy abuse scandal. As a former public school teacher, I experienced background checks. I also, at the time in 2005, had just started working with a federally funded program for at risk youth at a local community college. Employers do background checks.
The overall response to people going into schools to address the issue of child assault prevention was a mixed bag. Some teachers were very welcoming and some just thought we were wasting the time he or she would have to teach. Hey, as a former classroom and LRC teacher, I got it. I was possessive of the time I had to teach as well,but I always shared "my kids" with others. I didn't think that others didn't have information to offer. Ask Andy, she shared my classroom as she came in as LRC teacher in 1996-97 and 1997-98. I have thank you notes from her to prove it!
As a facilitator for NJCAP, I presented workshops (all memorized script) to adults and children. I even presented to friends in their classrooms and in my former school district of Northfield, NJ. Like any bell curve event in life, some take the information to mind and heart, others ignore.
The bell curve of life- some are at one extreme or the other at least once in awhile but most of the time, we straddle in the middle.
For over two years, I worked with NJCAP. The underlying concept of the program started as a result of children reporting on rape. A dedicated group of people got it started. Most of us worked part time- per hour wages. The administration were the only full time staff.
As workshop presenters we worked under the guidance of the area coordinator. The one I worked under was a great presenter and knowledgeable. The presentations were scripted but based on research and data. The presentations were scripted and the answers to questions- scripted for the most part. The presentations had to be uniform for various reasons. I had no trouble with the script.
My coworkers and I were willing to work part time. Some were retired teachers, a retired probation officer, a retired nurse, a retired DYFS worker, one an aspiring actress and wife of a wealthy casino investor/operator, and one who needed a job- and a parent looking for part time work. We all worked well together. Our coordinator had no formal education beyond high school.
After our presentations, we would go out into the hallway to review with any child who wanted to talk to us separately. Most of the time, it was review. But sometimes, reports had to be made because of disclosures. Some warranted school personal being advised. Others, also involved notifying the 800 child assault line. Again, there was protocol to follow.
NJCAP is funded and dependent on schools inviting the group in. Schools are protective of their secrets so not all schools wanted a prevention/intervention program to enter its doors. Parents could opt out if they did not want their children in the presentations. Some teachers even could opt out. Those teachers who opted out, one would wonder why?
In February 2008, a co-facilitator made a call to DYFS. It was a good call. But it became controversial when the person/offender of interest took offense. NJCAP broke their own protocol with speaking with the person on a phone. At the school, on another visit, we were put on a limited lock down. The irate person wanted to come and talk to the reporters.
At the end of that day, I told our coordinator that the administration of NJCAP had broken protocol.
They must have discussed our conversation. The coordinator told me that day that a policy to get permission to report was going to be instituted. I told her to read the law and if I thought I had a report, I would go outside the school building and report.
The next day, a new policy was instituted. ( before and must were underlined by the coordinator who sent it out)
February 2008
"It shall be the policy of the Atlantic/Cape May Project that before any facilitator makes a report to DYFS or the local prosecutor, he/she must contact (insert name of coordinator), County Coordinator.
If the Coordinator is not available, the facilitator will contact NJCAP Regional Training Center at (insert phone number of center).
Failure to comply with this policy will result in dismissal and decertification of said facilitator."
(Please note: Prosecutor's office is called when the accused is an employee of the district or diocese.)
Once the new policy came out, I asked if they read the statute on mandated reporters. I took myself off the active roster until they received an attorney review. The administrators would not do one and told me - "they thought I had been easy to work with" (until then) but could not afford an attorney review. Their mistake. My fellow facilitators were absolute cowards in this. They did not like the new policy but followed it,putting themselves and the abused children at risk.
I contacted the prosecutors office and the diocesan offices. I have the letters. The administrators of NJCAP refused to get a legal perspective , but the prosecutors office and the Camden Diocesan office were concerned.
The Atlantic county prosecutor contacted me in writing and forwarded my concerns to the Camden Diocese. Eventually, NJCAP had to modify the new policy.
On March 10, 2008 a update policy was given to facilitators:
It noted NJ State Law (N.J.S.A 9:6-8.10) requires "Any person having reasonable cause to believe that a child has been subjected to child abuse or acts of child abuse shall report the same immediately to the Division of Youth and Family Services by telephone at 1-800-830-9234" l 1971, c. 437, s 3; amended by L.1987, c.341, c4
"It shall be the policy of NJCAP that a CAP facilitator, upon hearing a disclosure which rising to the level of abuse, shall immediately report the incident to DYFS/Prosecutor's Office. The report will be made in conjunction with the school contact person so that DYFS will be able to obtain personal information on and ongoing support for the student.
If the CAP facilitator would like to confer with the CAP County Coordinator he/she may do so as along as this does not interfere with the immediacy of the report or the direct reporting by the person who received the initial disclosure.
If the coordinator is not available, the facilitator may contact NJ CAP Regional Training Center at (insert phone number here).
After the call has been made to DYFA/Prosecutor's Office, the CAP facilitator must inform the CAP County Coordinator of the report if this has not already been done and so ensure that the Coordinator may respond to any DYFS or school inquiries on the case." (IMMEDIATELY WAS IN BOLD PRINT- I PUT IT IN RED SO TO DRAW IT TO THE READER'S ATTENTION AS I HAVE BOLDED THE NEW POLICIES.)
JUST LIKE THE ADMINISTRATORS IN SCHOOLS, THE CATHOLIC CHURCH AND OTHER ORGANIZATIONS, THE COORDINATOR TRIED TO BLAME THE REPORTERS (I WAS NOT THE REPORTER ON THIS ONE BUT SUPPORTED THE REPORTER). THE COORDINATOR WAS AFRAID OF NJCAP'S REPUTATION BEING SULLIED BY TOO MANY REPORTS AS HER EMAIL TO ME STATED AFTER A FACILITATORS MEETING ON THE ISSUE AT HER HOUSE.
On April 14, 2008, I received a thank you letter from the Camden Catholic Diocese Director of Safe Environment for Children, Youth and Adults. He said the modified policy is well done and he said he appreciated my concerns regarding this.
I live in another state and city now, but before I moved from south Jersey, I ran into the Coordinator as her role continued with NJCAP. I did her a favor at that time in 2008.
Not long after that, people who worked for DYFS were going to trial for not doing their jobs in saving the lives of children.
Are you a mandated reporter? Find out. Years ago in schools it also used to be policy for a teacher to have to report to the principal first. Thank goodness that policy is no longer in effect- it wasn't even in effect in 2008.
Reporters are not investigators- that is the job of the police, DYFS or whatever the agency in your state is called. You may know it by CYS.. it is not called - CYA.
NJCAP continues to work in the schools. It is needed and is an international organization. I never asked for the "head of the coordinator", I asked for a change in policy. Reasonable heads prevailed. And I could look my former co-workers in the eye with honesty. I received thank you notes and words of thanks from them too.
Are you an advocate for children? You don't need a classroom to teach.
Marian R. Carlino
November 10, 2018
Sunday, October 7, 2018
If you only want to say something nice- at least read The Clery Act, the Bill of Rights and Jesus' indignation
Sexual assault is in the news. The #MeToo a movement of alleged survivors made up of both women and men who were alleged victims of sexual harassment, sexual molestation, and rape are upset because of the confirmation of Justice Brett Kavanaugh. The media took on a story line and then flew with it even when the alleged victim, Mrs. Ford, stated she had a fear of flying. The media against Kavanaugh or even the media supporting him did not use the word, "alleged" that I recall. Kavanaugh, if you haven't heard by now because you live under a rock or have your head in the sand, was accused with no corroborating evidence of sexual assault (not rape) as a student in high school (and then some less then stellar accusations as a student at college). The lawyerof the alleged victim is truly suspect in that accusation.
Sexual assault is a serious charge. It can include rape. The media against Kavanaugh implied that Kavanaugh was guilty of rape. They made several wrong moves in their rush to judgement. Even Mrs Ford did not accuse Kavanaugh of rape.
Accusations, false or true, need to be substantiated. The accused has rights as well as the alleged victim. Many in the media, favoring one political party over another, conveniently forgot that. Get a copy of the Bill of Rights.
In the end, Kavanaugh was confirmed as a Supreme Court Justice. But the damage is done. He will always be known as "that guy." He may fair better than his alleged victim. She needed better lawyers or a better acting coach, depending how you felt about her testimony. The leaders of the #MeToo movement have lost their own credibility by their actions.
I read both sides of the issues. Due to some background knowledge of child assault prevention, false accusations,and due process, before the alleged victim even testified under oath, Mrs. Ford's story seemed full of holes. For starters, if something impacted her life in so many ways, why didn't she speak out sooner? Every school in the country, due to the child assault cases of the Catholic Church, Penn State, and the Clery Act (1990) would say - REPORT!! She had plenty of opportunity- especially before he went to law school or took the bar. Do you know what lawyers have to disclose before they take the bar? Ask any lawyer.
Per the Catholic Church scandal, grand juries do believe alleged victims who step forward with corroborating evidence- even years later. Those stories have not been buried- well at least now in some dioceses.
Mrs. Ford works at a university. By law, she is to be knowledgeable of the Clery Act. Would she help an alleged victim or the accused? The victim, whose name is associated with The Clery Act was raped and murdered in 1986. Her parents became pro-active. As an educator, Mrs. Ford had an obligation to educate herself on that law.
Kavanaugh, guilty of being a teenager and young college student, is still being challenged. His demeanor was scrutinized when answering questions. Jesus was indignant and angry too. They hanged him. The Democrats tried to hang Kavanaugh.
They threaten to do it still.
If you can't say something nice, or don't want to get off the fence in this serious issue, read The Constitution again or for the first time. Read the Bill of Rights. We at least need a passing knowledge of it. Study what mandated reporters must do. Read The Clery Act.
Also read the consequences of false accusations, and mandatory reporting laws. Adults can not have third parties report. An alleged victim must step up. The consequences of not seeking justice against the alleged assaulter are actually worse for the alleged victim. There is healing in seeking the truth. But lies, will only make life worse.
Years ago at a high school where I used to live, a teen aged girl was raped. She was a top notch student, beautiful and popular. She went to the nurse after it happened but never told the nurse nor her mother. I knew the teenager's mother quite well. She told me years later what had happened. The girl was raped by a building contractor at the high school where my children attended- about a year or two later. The girl's grades dropped, she became a stay at home student. She ended up getting a GED. She didn't tell her mom for 6 months. Behaviors change after a rape. The victims need to report timely. And if a child's behavior changes drastically, then ASK. People get it wrong. I know. I remember the child in my second grade class. Her brother reported the rape that her father was committing against her. Her first grade teacher and the school nurse misread the signs.
It will be 21 years ago tomorrow, Oct. 8, that the principal came to my door and so ineptly said, "X" has to come with me." I let my students stand. She couldn't sit. Rape hurts a vagina.
I don't take kindly to sexual assault or false accusations. This whole situation makes me angry but I am not going to blame every male or white female on the planet, I will try to educate. That is what teachers do.
If you only want to say something nice.. you are part of the problem.
Throwing someone under the bus--has consequences. ASK. TELL TIMELY. DON'T FALSELY ACCUSE NOR PROJECT THE PAST ONTO THIS GENERATION. This generation is already suffering from the Fear of Flying- "zipless f****" circa 1973.. which coincidentally is the same year women got the right to kill a child in the womb. And we think this Supreme Court is tainted now?
Marian R. Carlino
October 7, 2018
Sexual assault is a serious charge. It can include rape. The media against Kavanaugh implied that Kavanaugh was guilty of rape. They made several wrong moves in their rush to judgement. Even Mrs Ford did not accuse Kavanaugh of rape.
Accusations, false or true, need to be substantiated. The accused has rights as well as the alleged victim. Many in the media, favoring one political party over another, conveniently forgot that. Get a copy of the Bill of Rights.
In the end, Kavanaugh was confirmed as a Supreme Court Justice. But the damage is done. He will always be known as "that guy." He may fair better than his alleged victim. She needed better lawyers or a better acting coach, depending how you felt about her testimony. The leaders of the #MeToo movement have lost their own credibility by their actions.
I read both sides of the issues. Due to some background knowledge of child assault prevention, false accusations,and due process, before the alleged victim even testified under oath, Mrs. Ford's story seemed full of holes. For starters, if something impacted her life in so many ways, why didn't she speak out sooner? Every school in the country, due to the child assault cases of the Catholic Church, Penn State, and the Clery Act (1990) would say - REPORT!! She had plenty of opportunity- especially before he went to law school or took the bar. Do you know what lawyers have to disclose before they take the bar? Ask any lawyer.
Per the Catholic Church scandal, grand juries do believe alleged victims who step forward with corroborating evidence- even years later. Those stories have not been buried- well at least now in some dioceses.
Mrs. Ford works at a university. By law, she is to be knowledgeable of the Clery Act. Would she help an alleged victim or the accused? The victim, whose name is associated with The Clery Act was raped and murdered in 1986. Her parents became pro-active. As an educator, Mrs. Ford had an obligation to educate herself on that law.
Kavanaugh, guilty of being a teenager and young college student, is still being challenged. His demeanor was scrutinized when answering questions. Jesus was indignant and angry too. They hanged him. The Democrats tried to hang Kavanaugh.
They threaten to do it still.
If you can't say something nice, or don't want to get off the fence in this serious issue, read The Constitution again or for the first time. Read the Bill of Rights. We at least need a passing knowledge of it. Study what mandated reporters must do. Read The Clery Act.
Also read the consequences of false accusations, and mandatory reporting laws. Adults can not have third parties report. An alleged victim must step up. The consequences of not seeking justice against the alleged assaulter are actually worse for the alleged victim. There is healing in seeking the truth. But lies, will only make life worse.
Years ago at a high school where I used to live, a teen aged girl was raped. She was a top notch student, beautiful and popular. She went to the nurse after it happened but never told the nurse nor her mother. I knew the teenager's mother quite well. She told me years later what had happened. The girl was raped by a building contractor at the high school where my children attended- about a year or two later. The girl's grades dropped, she became a stay at home student. She ended up getting a GED. She didn't tell her mom for 6 months. Behaviors change after a rape. The victims need to report timely. And if a child's behavior changes drastically, then ASK. People get it wrong. I know. I remember the child in my second grade class. Her brother reported the rape that her father was committing against her. Her first grade teacher and the school nurse misread the signs.
It will be 21 years ago tomorrow, Oct. 8, that the principal came to my door and so ineptly said, "X" has to come with me." I let my students stand. She couldn't sit. Rape hurts a vagina.
I don't take kindly to sexual assault or false accusations. This whole situation makes me angry but I am not going to blame every male or white female on the planet, I will try to educate. That is what teachers do.
If you only want to say something nice.. you are part of the problem.
Throwing someone under the bus--has consequences. ASK. TELL TIMELY. DON'T FALSELY ACCUSE NOR PROJECT THE PAST ONTO THIS GENERATION. This generation is already suffering from the Fear of Flying- "zipless f****" circa 1973.. which coincidentally is the same year women got the right to kill a child in the womb. And we think this Supreme Court is tainted now?
Marian R. Carlino
October 7, 2018
Saturday, September 15, 2018
Stained Glass Windows
Stained glass windows are dark, unless light is shining through. In the daylight, the colors don't appear lively. At night, with no light, one would not be able to discern the individual pieces except for the lead in between.
Stained glass- when the light shines through are beautiful. Let the light shine. They become "alive."
History of stained glass
Let the light shine through and make the stains of sin not over shadow the stained glass windows of the Word. The Catholic Church is not alone in the history of sexual abuse nor cover ups. That being said, the abusive staff and clergy used their positions to violate God's law. Know God's law and the practical application of those laws on reporting. Start with knowing the signs. Abuser use similar techniques no matter the location of their preying ground. All of their behaviors are criminal.
If you are a victim of past abuse, seek help.
Google the report. It is in a pdf form and can be downloaded. Don't blame the messengers and do not blame all clergy. Just as the universities, the Olympics, Hollywood and families have tried not to bring scandal, they have found the cover ups do just that. God sees the bigger picture even before the artist assembles the pieces in a window or a report.
Eventually God allows the light to shine through the cover ups. The adults in charge in this Grand Jury report ignored the messengers. None of us are free from the stain of sin because sin has ripple effects. Those signed confidentiality agreements are stained with blood.
To be truly beautiful, Keep the light on.
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| The light was shining through during the Eucharist consecration. Jesus' face and halo were shining. |
Jesus is the light of the world. He came to us because of the stain of sin. Hold our clergy accountable. They are not infallible. We have Peter and Judas in our history. Stained glass windows do tell that story.
.
I am a cradle Catholic who was often a lazy Catholic in my early adult years. I am no longer lazy. I currently live in a "ground zero" city for the scandal. .. and I heard the cry of a friend. So I am asking the faithful to read the report. Find relevance in your background checks and training. If you do not, you are part of the problem and you should get out of any ministry with which you are currently working. I have told teachers the same thing about working in a school.
If you can't say something nice about someone, then that may mean the person is not kind.
If you think you are not worthy to speak up, speak up, we are all broken. God uses the broken for the greater good. The devil does not.
Article about how the Church tried to block grand jury report
When I have prayed for the truth to be revealed in my own life, God reveals it. Sometimes I even get phone calls.
Marian R. Carlino
September 15, 2018
The Red Plastic Straw and Eating My Way Through Lawrenceville
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| Chocalate Paradise and the red straw |
For the past several weeks, I have been house sitting in Lawrenceville, Pa. A few weeks ago I wrote a few ideas about my stay here. Lawrenceville is an eclectic section of Pittsburgh. It was once very depressed in terms of the economy, but, it too has thought outside the proverbial box and has welcomed new types of businesses. Lawrenceville has the Children's Hospital, tech companies, contractors who are renovating run down properties and building new. It is true that property values have gone up so the cost of living has as well, but what would one rather have? New eating establishments open, close, stay for a long time, and welcome people from all around. A movie theater and a bowling alley... right here. Last week the movie theater ran The Wizard of Oz. The bowling alley has a live DJ.
I met people from Delaware in front of Geppeto Cafe today as they were waiting and I didn't want to cut in front. They told me they were waiting for take out. After I ordered mine, we chatted. They were visiting Pittsburgh for a birthday party. I told them of other areas too if doing a bit of sight seeing- downtown, the sports complexes, museums, the Cathedral of Learning on Pitts campus in Oakland, and the Strip District. Streets are closed downtown for the filming of Mr. Rogers with Tom Hanks as Mr. Rogers. These are all places I love in the Paris of Appalachia and the home of Mr. Rogers. Thanks to Beth and Cousin Gerry for all those tours years ago.
I stopped at Frio, the Penn State Creamery, ice cream shop again today. It won't be on my regular route home to my apartment, so I took advantage. Once I make room after having had a few sips of a truly rich Chocolate Paradise milkshake from Frio, I can see if the food from Gepetto Cafe is as good as the crowd waiting outside and full tables inside would indicate. I stopped and got a coffee there this morning - that was great!! Children would love the decor of puppets.
So why am I writing about food-- well I have been eating my way through Lawrenceville on this vacation time. So many people in years past used the expression "Love the one you're with." Well, that advice got a lot of people in trouble. So, I say, "Love the place you live." This is not to take anything away from my NJ roots. They go deep-- 59 years deep. But Pittsburgh is a place I always loved once I visited Aunt Ann Rosinski. Then Beth moved here with Keith so the visits were more often. Our few years in Indiana, Pa. made it a favorite city- stamped in my heart. My daughter went to Pitt- visdom, visdom, visdom!! ( My inner circle would get the spelling.)
The proprietor of Frio doesn't need a law to tell him that plastic straws can be an issue. His straws are large because without the large one, that is not paper, the chunks of brownies (or strawberries) would not travel to the direction of the mouth!!
So I am posting these pictures for those who would love to visit Paris but can't. There is a delicious French bakery too!! Come to Pittsburgh, Paris of Appalachia, says an author. Native Pittsburgher's and those from other countries who have chosen to invest in it are always welcoming. The accents of those I meet often are not Pittsburgh accents. I have brought my NJ accent with me too!! But the Pittsburgh accent- today in front of the restaurant a young woman was speaking. I looked to see if it was my friend with whom I stood this morning in my advocacy.
No law needed for Frio to think of the environment!! I kept my pink straw to re-use.
r |
| This customer got a waffle cone. The proprietor is from Turkey. And the sign, well, that tells me he doesn't need a new law. |
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| A sign on the fence of a property in the local neighborhood. I asked the owner if I could take a picture. He said yes. Marian R. Carlino September 15, 2018 |
Sunday, August 26, 2018
The Actor- an Education (for whom) and 3%
It was a beautiful Saturday morning. And as I often do, I witness in front of PP. PP is an ugly, dirty building at the intersection of Liberty Avenue and Smithfield Street in downtown Pittsburgh. PP locates in urban areas- on purpose. They want bus routes near by their establishments or easy access.
As my fellow advocates and I were standing there, a older man got out of a car. He yelled at my friend that we should be protesting up in Oakland (at a park I read later) against the war. My mind flashed back to Vietnam. I was wondering which war was under protest. I googled the information later and found out it was a protest against the defense budget. This bit of knowledge made the comments I suggested even more prophetic.
I asked the man, as he tried to open the theater door a few feet from where I was standing, if he wanted a resource card. He went off on me too.. telling me if I were really pro-life, I would be at the protest. I told him I am pro-life and have chosen the right to life as my advocacy. He told me I should be protesting the war and the death penalty and that woman have the right to do whatever they want with their bodies. (The law would not agree. Try injecting yourself with heroin. The law would have plenty to say and I bet he would too.)
Well- I am glad you mentioned the death penalty I told him as he still struggled to get into the door. It is a local theater. He is one of the actors. I know he is an actor because I asked him why he wasn't at the protest. He said he couldn't go because he had to work- he is an actor. Oh good, an actor who is working. He didn't know that I was going to my work after my time on the sidewalk. He didn't care. He didn't ask what I do for work nor why I stand and take time to advocate for non-violent choices to abortion.
I was glad he mentioned the death penalty. I was able to tell him I did help change the law in NJ. I got off a proverbial fence that so many sit on and wrote my representatives. I told them how I was found "guilty" of "incompetence" as a teacher. I told them how I should have had all the rights afforded me but my rights were violated. I told them how easy it was for people to lie and the evidence ignored. I told them I was a white woman in my 40's at the time and had the so called backing of a union. I told them I think everyone has a chance to change.. even if it means life in prison, as I am for justice. I told them my story. My representatives thanked me. ....An injustice for one so to speak.
I didn't say all that to the man..just the part of the advocating for change but I did tell him the law was changed, but not long after that my friend's son ended up on death row (Pennsylvania). He was found guilty by a judge of the deaths of three women and a child. Abortion factored into the whole scenario for that man. He paid for one of the dead women to have an abortion not long before he murdered the woman, her sister and the little girl. (The third adult victim had been from years before.) On a side note, there was no fair trial by a jury of his peers for the man.
Not knowing at the time of our brief encounter that the protest was on the defense budget, I asked him if he was against war, how did he feel about 3% of PP financial success being from abortion. He didn't answer. I asked again. The door still did not open and neither did he respond. Babies die in abortion. If it was the woman's body that would definitely die, she may make a more non-violent choice. Women do regret their choices for their bodies after the abortion. And they mourn the death of the child.
Then since he was concerned that others should protest against the war, I pointed out that during the Vietnam War, Dow Chemical (called baby killers back then) manufactured napalm. It was only 1% of their business but they were called baby killers. The actor could not do the math it seems. But I did know someone years ago who did. I met him as my neighbor in O.C., NJ. He was a biology teacher at Holy Spirit High School. He had worked for Dow Chemical when he first got out of college, but he quit, he told me, because of the napalm.
If you have a problem with deaths caused by war, how can you possibly accept the death of an unborn child with the lame and false reasoning that women have a right to do whatever they want to choose with their bodies. Try drinking out of a plastic straw (thrown in for good measure this morning) in some cities. Try getting an opioid today without a check of a state database. Try hugging a student in a classroom- male or female.
The righteous anti-war protester who wasn't going to the protest because he had to work - didn't answer any of my questions. He wouldn't even answer the name of the play in which he was performing. The door finally opened when another actor, who smiled at us, came along. He must have had the magic to open the door.
I include the definition of hypocrisy here: from Google: the practice of claiming to have moral standards or beliefs to which one's own behavior does not conform; pretense.
We can all be hypocritical, it is true. But regarding the turtle,
"Behold the turtle, he makes progress only when he sticks his neck out." When you are willing to stick your neck out to educate others, make sure the closets are open and cleaned out.
As my fellow advocates and I were standing there, a older man got out of a car. He yelled at my friend that we should be protesting up in Oakland (at a park I read later) against the war. My mind flashed back to Vietnam. I was wondering which war was under protest. I googled the information later and found out it was a protest against the defense budget. This bit of knowledge made the comments I suggested even more prophetic.
I asked the man, as he tried to open the theater door a few feet from where I was standing, if he wanted a resource card. He went off on me too.. telling me if I were really pro-life, I would be at the protest. I told him I am pro-life and have chosen the right to life as my advocacy. He told me I should be protesting the war and the death penalty and that woman have the right to do whatever they want with their bodies. (The law would not agree. Try injecting yourself with heroin. The law would have plenty to say and I bet he would too.)
Well- I am glad you mentioned the death penalty I told him as he still struggled to get into the door. It is a local theater. He is one of the actors. I know he is an actor because I asked him why he wasn't at the protest. He said he couldn't go because he had to work- he is an actor. Oh good, an actor who is working. He didn't know that I was going to my work after my time on the sidewalk. He didn't care. He didn't ask what I do for work nor why I stand and take time to advocate for non-violent choices to abortion.
I was glad he mentioned the death penalty. I was able to tell him I did help change the law in NJ. I got off a proverbial fence that so many sit on and wrote my representatives. I told them how I was found "guilty" of "incompetence" as a teacher. I told them how I should have had all the rights afforded me but my rights were violated. I told them how easy it was for people to lie and the evidence ignored. I told them I was a white woman in my 40's at the time and had the so called backing of a union. I told them I think everyone has a chance to change.. even if it means life in prison, as I am for justice. I told them my story. My representatives thanked me. ....An injustice for one so to speak.
I didn't say all that to the man..just the part of the advocating for change but I did tell him the law was changed, but not long after that my friend's son ended up on death row (Pennsylvania). He was found guilty by a judge of the deaths of three women and a child. Abortion factored into the whole scenario for that man. He paid for one of the dead women to have an abortion not long before he murdered the woman, her sister and the little girl. (The third adult victim had been from years before.) On a side note, there was no fair trial by a jury of his peers for the man.
Not knowing at the time of our brief encounter that the protest was on the defense budget, I asked him if he was against war, how did he feel about 3% of PP financial success being from abortion. He didn't answer. I asked again. The door still did not open and neither did he respond. Babies die in abortion. If it was the woman's body that would definitely die, she may make a more non-violent choice. Women do regret their choices for their bodies after the abortion. And they mourn the death of the child.
Then since he was concerned that others should protest against the war, I pointed out that during the Vietnam War, Dow Chemical (called baby killers back then) manufactured napalm. It was only 1% of their business but they were called baby killers. The actor could not do the math it seems. But I did know someone years ago who did. I met him as my neighbor in O.C., NJ. He was a biology teacher at Holy Spirit High School. He had worked for Dow Chemical when he first got out of college, but he quit, he told me, because of the napalm.
If you have a problem with deaths caused by war, how can you possibly accept the death of an unborn child with the lame and false reasoning that women have a right to do whatever they want to choose with their bodies. Try drinking out of a plastic straw (thrown in for good measure this morning) in some cities. Try getting an opioid today without a check of a state database. Try hugging a student in a classroom- male or female.
The righteous anti-war protester who wasn't going to the protest because he had to work - didn't answer any of my questions. He wouldn't even answer the name of the play in which he was performing. The door finally opened when another actor, who smiled at us, came along. He must have had the magic to open the door.
I include the definition of hypocrisy here: from Google: the practice of claiming to have moral standards or beliefs to which one's own behavior does not conform; pretense.
We can all be hypocritical, it is true. But regarding the turtle,
"Behold the turtle, he makes progress only when he sticks his neck out." When you are willing to stick your neck out to educate others, make sure the closets are open and cleaned out.
Aborted babies are stuck between the hypocrisy of political correctness.
If only it were the woman's body, but a baby's body has different DNA and blood supply. A male child is carried in utero. A woman does not have a penis unless it is made of plastic or some other fake material.
All the world's a stage.. some are actors.
Marian R. Carlino
August 26, 2018
All the world's a stage.. some are actors.
Marian R. Carlino
August 26, 2018
Janet and Nellie- an Education Part 2
I decided to walk along side streets as part of my walk home from the bus stop yesterday. I had to stay on the main street for my walking and eating tour for the night. After I bought the main course at a Burgher's place- play on words is their idea, I carried my first bag of goodies and took the side street. This area of Pittsburgh is eclectic, trendy now, and full of history. I remember the general area from years ago. Ross' cousin, a member of a religious order, lived for a time in this section. We would visit her when we were just married and living in Indiana, Pa. Lawrenceville has many old churches, most closed now.
But people have re-invested in Lawrenceville and for several years now, it has had a rebirth. People investing in their neighborhoods or strangers coming in and investing in the neighborhood is good. Pittsburghers know how to do that.
As I was making my way back up to the main street, as the river walk will be for another time, I journeyed through a new apartment complex. I have seen the progress of it because from my seat on the bus, I have watched. For the last few summers I have vacationed in this part of Pittsburgh- which I mean sincerely.
I met Janet and her dog Nellie. We came close enough in contact to exchange greetings. Then I said I liked the stone fence and took a picture of it. She took a seat near where I was standing and started talking. I learned several things about the section of Pittsburgh in the 10 minute conversation. The section is called Arsenal and with good reason. She told me when they were building the complex in which we were standing, they found canon balls in the ground. Pittsburgh is surrounded by rivers. It would make sense that during the wars it be would be a site for all sorts of manufacturing.
A high school is across the street. The first floor of the building in front of which we were standing remains empty. A brewery type establishment was to be licensed to operate in it. But, the neighbors got together to fight it because the high school was across the street. For a variety of reasons, the idea was not a good one. I hope something opens in the space for all to enjoy.
Some of the old industrial buildings are being re-purposed. Janet said around the corner from where we were standing is a high tech business. Janet pointed to where Uber has a presence in Lawrenceville. - in the Arsenal section. Small eating establishments, small stores like antique shops (met the owner of one tonight- we talked!) and dress shops make up a huge part of the area. There is new construction for the Fransicans' order. Several tatoo parlors will paint your arms and what ever else. Bowling has not gone out of style here. Carnegie Mellon University, which has its main campus in Oakland, also has a part to play in the revitalization of the area.
Janet was born and raised in Lawrenceville. I told her I love the section of Pittsburgh and enjoy coming every summer to live. As we discussed different topics related to the neighborhood, Nellie sat and listened. I bet she would have a thing or two to say too if she could speak.
I told Janet that I always wanted to see Paris. In a local book store here in Lawrenceville, I found a book titled, Pittsburgh, Paris of Appalachia. I live in Paris. So does she!
My first summer in Pittsburgh, my daughter and I watched the fireworks at Arsenal Park- food was involved!!
Janet, with Nellie, and I with my bag of treats for the main dinner course, went in separate directions as our conversation ended. My life is a little richer after having met Janet and Nellie.
Marian R. Carlino
August 26, 2018
But people have re-invested in Lawrenceville and for several years now, it has had a rebirth. People investing in their neighborhoods or strangers coming in and investing in the neighborhood is good. Pittsburghers know how to do that.
As I was making my way back up to the main street, as the river walk will be for another time, I journeyed through a new apartment complex. I have seen the progress of it because from my seat on the bus, I have watched. For the last few summers I have vacationed in this part of Pittsburgh- which I mean sincerely.
I met Janet and her dog Nellie. We came close enough in contact to exchange greetings. Then I said I liked the stone fence and took a picture of it. She took a seat near where I was standing and started talking. I learned several things about the section of Pittsburgh in the 10 minute conversation. The section is called Arsenal and with good reason. She told me when they were building the complex in which we were standing, they found canon balls in the ground. Pittsburgh is surrounded by rivers. It would make sense that during the wars it be would be a site for all sorts of manufacturing.
A high school is across the street. The first floor of the building in front of which we were standing remains empty. A brewery type establishment was to be licensed to operate in it. But, the neighbors got together to fight it because the high school was across the street. For a variety of reasons, the idea was not a good one. I hope something opens in the space for all to enjoy.
Some of the old industrial buildings are being re-purposed. Janet said around the corner from where we were standing is a high tech business. Janet pointed to where Uber has a presence in Lawrenceville. - in the Arsenal section. Small eating establishments, small stores like antique shops (met the owner of one tonight- we talked!) and dress shops make up a huge part of the area. There is new construction for the Fransicans' order. Several tatoo parlors will paint your arms and what ever else. Bowling has not gone out of style here. Carnegie Mellon University, which has its main campus in Oakland, also has a part to play in the revitalization of the area.
Janet was born and raised in Lawrenceville. I told her I love the section of Pittsburgh and enjoy coming every summer to live. As we discussed different topics related to the neighborhood, Nellie sat and listened. I bet she would have a thing or two to say too if she could speak.
I told Janet that I always wanted to see Paris. In a local book store here in Lawrenceville, I found a book titled, Pittsburgh, Paris of Appalachia. I live in Paris. So does she!
My first summer in Pittsburgh, my daughter and I watched the fireworks at Arsenal Park- food was involved!!
Janet, with Nellie, and I with my bag of treats for the main dinner course, went in separate directions as our conversation ended. My life is a little richer after having met Janet and Nellie.
Marian R. Carlino
August 26, 2018
The Pink Straw and an Education
I had a most delicious milkshake from a new place of business last night. The sweet smell of waffle cones being made drew me in. I conversed with the owner of the new establishment while the specialty shake was being made. I learned a little about him and he learned a little about me. Our conversation was friendly, open and honest while remaining pedestrian. Our accents determined that neither one of us were native of Pittsburgh. I am a Jersey girl and he is from Turkey. I asked how long the store had been open. He said eight days. So theoretically, I was one of his first customers. Two younger people made the shake. I went with the strawberry cheesecake this time!
The sign outside advertised "we have Penn State ice cream". I joked that they needed a sign for Pitt ice cream also. The owner educated me. He said there is a creamery in the Penn State area that makes the ice cream. It is quite famous. I did not know that. I later googled the information. Very true. Penn State alumni would know that.
We joked about the rivalry and the selling aspect of sweet smells as one passes by.
We connected over a sweet smell. I drank my milkshake out of a wide pink straw while I walked along the main street. The large pieces of strawberries could be sucked right up out of the creamy cheesecake shake. When I got home I used that straw as a spoon to get every last drop of cream and topping that would not make its way through the straw.
The large, pink, plastic straw- a happy color choice for a business to use. Paper would not have worked.
Thanks FRIO creamery!!
I will have to walk a little longer today, but my life is a little richer today because of that sweet smell and a conversation.
Marian R. Carlino
August 26, 2018
Tuesday, August 21, 2018
Shocking
In the last week, since the release of the much anticipated Grand Jury Report on Clergy abuse in the Catholic Church in Pennsylvania, people are in shock, dismayed, disgusted (my attitude), angry, hopeful, prayerful. The letters, apologies, mea culpas go on and on. People can have all sorts of feelings and express their thoughts but what we do with those feelings and thoughts will make the difference between mice and men.
For the life of me, I can not understand the shock. Sexual abuse among people has been a problem since history began. The Bible has some to tell. Biblical characters and historical figures did not get off very easily it seems. Was "It's ok honey, let's just forgive the criminal act." part of their vocabulary. In this "don't judge others" misguided teaching of many false teachers, criminals get away with murder. I really don't get any confirmation of "it's okay, honey" from listening to Scripture nor by reading it.
I remember the story of Cardinal Bernardin way back in ancient history of the 1990's. I remember him because if charges are false, then they have to be fought. Everyone deserves their day in court if accused. Some are falsely accused. But keeping those false accusations secret just masks the problem too. God unmasks the secrets. Keeping credible allegations of sexual assault private is criminal. Did Boston, Pittsburgh, L.A and all the other places since Judas betrayed Jesus pretend nothing was happening? It is like listening to the naïve comments made after the massacre at the high school in Parkland, Florida. We didn't think it could happen here. Oh my Jesus, forgive us our sins.
I think every Pope in the last 40 years has had to apologize for the criminal behaviors and cover ups of their brother priests. I am never impressed when someone reports that "Sister so and so" used corporal punishment. Priests and sisters are humans, capable of sin as are the rest of us.
I haven't heard one school official apologize for the massacres at their schools or the sexual assault scandals. Plum Schools here in the Pittsburgh area had to deal with teachers accused of sexual assaults. Different collars, same cloth. No apologies.. just "safety is our biggest concern".
A profound statement advised to me years ago from a fellow parishioner is that we have to pray for our priests and religious. Therefore, I do. But, I readily admit that I am a practicing Catholic not because of the priests and religious in my life, but in spite of some of them. I consider some priests part of my circle of friends. I have greatly admired some and realized that others are more frail than I am in their faith. I also have learned that some priests needed me in their lives, as they may need you, the reader. Doses of reality are helpful too. Some priests should have chosen a different profession. Some may have chosen it because of access to the vulnerable, as in education. Confession is good for the soul but not if your confessor is the same person who uses the information to groom and uses the information to abuse you. The best thing a child can do is speak up. Allegations are taken seriously now-- or are they?
So after these many years will the Church finally get it right on child abuse and honesty? I don't think so if other Grand Juries are needed to unlock the closet doors of secrecy from the past. Open those doors. Allow the Holy Spirit to clear the air. I would like Baltimore to be honest about what happened to Sister Kathy who was murdered in the 60's. How shocked can we be in 2018?
I have taught child assault prevention. I have attended mandated trainings myself . The laity at these trainings many times have not seen the relevance of the trainings in their lives. Well, to the naïve people in the trainings, awareness is relevant. I had the same experience in public schools, Catholic Schools and in CCD. We taught children to protect themselves because adults did not protect them.
(Child assault prevention programs are also suspect. I worked for one but that is for another blog.)
The clergy of all denominations, educators, family members, strangers.. all who are sexual assault abusers use their body part to assault. The penis used in a sexual assault is likened to using a frying pan as a weapon in child assault scenarios. What is the frying pan meant to do? Cook. What is the penis for? Well, it is not meant to be used as a weapon. Coke bottles and other objects have real uses too. Hands are not meant to be used as weapons, nor are the digits on one's hands.
Anyone who has ever signed a confidentiality agreement to keep the truth from being exposed will always be looking over their backs. The truth and every skeleton we try to keep in the closet of history will get out. A victim of sexual assault is never fully healed - especially when the secret is to be kept under false pretenses. Money does not heal the broken-hearted. Judas threw his 30 pieces of silver back, then committed suicide.
Time fades memories as well as colors those memories over time. I know one brave woman who is in her 80's. Her father went to jail when she was a child. Her sisters and mother did the right thing. It seems the mother and sisters were ahead of their time. When time passes, the truth can get swept away. Also, not reporting allows the abuser to gain more victims. No abuser has just one victim.
Did Pennsylvania really need a Grand Jury for the truth to come out? Sadly, it seems yes. In recent years, The Church has done much to vet new priests and volunteers. In the Pittsburgh Diocese, no one can volunteer for anything without going through training (one session), background checks and finger printing. Every five years the history needs to be checked. But the secrets of the past were right there... beating behind the walls all along.
Will there be a brighter future for the Church? The Pittsburgh Church is in the fire. Fire purifies- and what fire doesn't purify, it destroys. In order for the Church to be fully alive., it does need pruning of the dead branches.
Have you ever watched a glass blower form a beautiful piece of art?
Families, schools, and all institutions world wide need the same purification. Every generation has its perverseness. Silence does not help.
Organizations whose main job is to help others, who are not vetting their volunteers, are setting themselves up for the same failures of the Catholic Church. Buyer be ware.
A naive but seemingly sincere nationally known anchor on Fox News interviewed Bishop Zubik last night. The Bishop in answer to a really stupid question handled the answer quite well. The Bishop was asked if married priests would help with the issue because Catholic priests are celibate. Thankfully, the Bishop said no. He said no because the most sexual abuse cases happen in the home. He is absolutely correct on that. Sexual assault is not about sex. It is power and control. Married men and woman or sexually active men and women commit sexual assaults. Family is a breeding ground.
So, with all this, I am going to remain faithful to my faith practice. I am going to support the priests who are doing the right thing. We live in a sin-filled world. People on pedestals can disappoint. I am disgusted that a Grand Jury had to be formed. But, I am hopeful that the purification process will make those who doubted that speaking up was the right thing to do, will do it now. Hope springs eternal.
The courage of our convictions. Bishop Zubik referenced the Cross last night during an interview. We have to pick up our Cross as Catholics.
If people continue to think that God has it covered and you don't need to do anything- then the advise of Jesus may not be a priority for you. He had a lot to say to his disciples about children. He rebuked them about children a few times. I think we should consider ourselves rebuked.
I stood at a free food give away booth at the Bloomfield Little Italy Days on Saturday as I came out of the church after having made a visit. The conversation between the young woman and a young man involved Franklin Regional High School. She worked for a PR firm hired by the school. The young man works at a local college. He said both his parents are teachers. I told them my story briefly. I told them speaking up was the best thing I ever did despite the back lash.
Speak up! PR firms are hired to spin the lies. The Catholic Church and all schools need to open up the closets. The skeletons are restless. Is one knocking on your family's door?
Marian R. Carlino
August 21, 2018
For the life of me, I can not understand the shock. Sexual abuse among people has been a problem since history began. The Bible has some to tell. Biblical characters and historical figures did not get off very easily it seems. Was "It's ok honey, let's just forgive the criminal act." part of their vocabulary. In this "don't judge others" misguided teaching of many false teachers, criminals get away with murder. I really don't get any confirmation of "it's okay, honey" from listening to Scripture nor by reading it.
I remember the story of Cardinal Bernardin way back in ancient history of the 1990's. I remember him because if charges are false, then they have to be fought. Everyone deserves their day in court if accused. Some are falsely accused. But keeping those false accusations secret just masks the problem too. God unmasks the secrets. Keeping credible allegations of sexual assault private is criminal. Did Boston, Pittsburgh, L.A and all the other places since Judas betrayed Jesus pretend nothing was happening? It is like listening to the naïve comments made after the massacre at the high school in Parkland, Florida. We didn't think it could happen here. Oh my Jesus, forgive us our sins.
I think every Pope in the last 40 years has had to apologize for the criminal behaviors and cover ups of their brother priests. I am never impressed when someone reports that "Sister so and so" used corporal punishment. Priests and sisters are humans, capable of sin as are the rest of us.
I haven't heard one school official apologize for the massacres at their schools or the sexual assault scandals. Plum Schools here in the Pittsburgh area had to deal with teachers accused of sexual assaults. Different collars, same cloth. No apologies.. just "safety is our biggest concern".
A profound statement advised to me years ago from a fellow parishioner is that we have to pray for our priests and religious. Therefore, I do. But, I readily admit that I am a practicing Catholic not because of the priests and religious in my life, but in spite of some of them. I consider some priests part of my circle of friends. I have greatly admired some and realized that others are more frail than I am in their faith. I also have learned that some priests needed me in their lives, as they may need you, the reader. Doses of reality are helpful too. Some priests should have chosen a different profession. Some may have chosen it because of access to the vulnerable, as in education. Confession is good for the soul but not if your confessor is the same person who uses the information to groom and uses the information to abuse you. The best thing a child can do is speak up. Allegations are taken seriously now-- or are they?
So after these many years will the Church finally get it right on child abuse and honesty? I don't think so if other Grand Juries are needed to unlock the closet doors of secrecy from the past. Open those doors. Allow the Holy Spirit to clear the air. I would like Baltimore to be honest about what happened to Sister Kathy who was murdered in the 60's. How shocked can we be in 2018?
I have taught child assault prevention. I have attended mandated trainings myself . The laity at these trainings many times have not seen the relevance of the trainings in their lives. Well, to the naïve people in the trainings, awareness is relevant. I had the same experience in public schools, Catholic Schools and in CCD. We taught children to protect themselves because adults did not protect them.
(Child assault prevention programs are also suspect. I worked for one but that is for another blog.)
The clergy of all denominations, educators, family members, strangers.. all who are sexual assault abusers use their body part to assault. The penis used in a sexual assault is likened to using a frying pan as a weapon in child assault scenarios. What is the frying pan meant to do? Cook. What is the penis for? Well, it is not meant to be used as a weapon. Coke bottles and other objects have real uses too. Hands are not meant to be used as weapons, nor are the digits on one's hands.
Anyone who has ever signed a confidentiality agreement to keep the truth from being exposed will always be looking over their backs. The truth and every skeleton we try to keep in the closet of history will get out. A victim of sexual assault is never fully healed - especially when the secret is to be kept under false pretenses. Money does not heal the broken-hearted. Judas threw his 30 pieces of silver back, then committed suicide.
Time fades memories as well as colors those memories over time. I know one brave woman who is in her 80's. Her father went to jail when she was a child. Her sisters and mother did the right thing. It seems the mother and sisters were ahead of their time. When time passes, the truth can get swept away. Also, not reporting allows the abuser to gain more victims. No abuser has just one victim.
Did Pennsylvania really need a Grand Jury for the truth to come out? Sadly, it seems yes. In recent years, The Church has done much to vet new priests and volunteers. In the Pittsburgh Diocese, no one can volunteer for anything without going through training (one session), background checks and finger printing. Every five years the history needs to be checked. But the secrets of the past were right there... beating behind the walls all along.
Will there be a brighter future for the Church? The Pittsburgh Church is in the fire. Fire purifies- and what fire doesn't purify, it destroys. In order for the Church to be fully alive., it does need pruning of the dead branches.
Have you ever watched a glass blower form a beautiful piece of art?
Families, schools, and all institutions world wide need the same purification. Every generation has its perverseness. Silence does not help.
Organizations whose main job is to help others, who are not vetting their volunteers, are setting themselves up for the same failures of the Catholic Church. Buyer be ware.
A naive but seemingly sincere nationally known anchor on Fox News interviewed Bishop Zubik last night. The Bishop in answer to a really stupid question handled the answer quite well. The Bishop was asked if married priests would help with the issue because Catholic priests are celibate. Thankfully, the Bishop said no. He said no because the most sexual abuse cases happen in the home. He is absolutely correct on that. Sexual assault is not about sex. It is power and control. Married men and woman or sexually active men and women commit sexual assaults. Family is a breeding ground.
So, with all this, I am going to remain faithful to my faith practice. I am going to support the priests who are doing the right thing. We live in a sin-filled world. People on pedestals can disappoint. I am disgusted that a Grand Jury had to be formed. But, I am hopeful that the purification process will make those who doubted that speaking up was the right thing to do, will do it now. Hope springs eternal.
The courage of our convictions. Bishop Zubik referenced the Cross last night during an interview. We have to pick up our Cross as Catholics.
If people continue to think that God has it covered and you don't need to do anything- then the advise of Jesus may not be a priority for you. He had a lot to say to his disciples about children. He rebuked them about children a few times. I think we should consider ourselves rebuked.
I stood at a free food give away booth at the Bloomfield Little Italy Days on Saturday as I came out of the church after having made a visit. The conversation between the young woman and a young man involved Franklin Regional High School. She worked for a PR firm hired by the school. The young man works at a local college. He said both his parents are teachers. I told them my story briefly. I told them speaking up was the best thing I ever did despite the back lash.
Speak up! PR firms are hired to spin the lies. The Catholic Church and all schools need to open up the closets. The skeletons are restless. Is one knocking on your family's door?
Marian R. Carlino
August 21, 2018
Saturday, August 11, 2018
A Boy and a Dog and a Foot and a Shoe
Somewhere over the rainbow.. bluebirds fly Somewhere Over the Rainbow medly
Have you ever loved anyone or anything so much, that you are impelled to express your emotions- in unusual, but socially acceptable ways?
When two of my sisters and I were younger, my older brother, Bill, bought a puppy to our house. My parents were not exactly thrilled but Panda soon became one of the family. My sister, Beth, loved him so much. One day, she said, " I love him so much I have to bite his shoe." Panda's favorite toy was a plastic dog toy shaped like a man's shoe. So my bar for loving one so much is the one Beth set!! It was a child's honest expression of love!
After my mom died, Ross and I took Panda and cared for him for about three years before he had to cross the rainbow bridge. My dad was still alive at the time but could not care for Panda. Through the years, they had become best buds. The call to my dad that Panda had died was a difficult call. Panda was 16.
My sister, Beth and her husband, have loved and cared for dogs their entire life together. She and her husband have given a great home to several dogs through the years. Some were rescued and some were brought to the home as puppies. All had/have special personalities. She does not bite their shoes but they have been known to chew on a few of their shoes!! The summer I moved to Pittsburgh, two of their dogs crossed over the rainbow bridge. They now have two other dogs- one rescued and one from the puppy stage.
Chris, my son, has loved dogs his entire life. He was born after we took on the responsibility of the Carlino family dog, named Sammy. Sammy and her original parents lived with us for a brief time when Sammy was a puppy. She knew Panda and as a puppy drove him a little crazy during that time. But Sammy moved with her parents to Florida for a time. She arrived back on our door step in May 1985, the day we moved into our house in Somers Point. We were not going to take her but the look on her face was pleading with us. She would have stayed in a home of acquaintances at the time, but Ross and I couldn't resist her looks. So we took her in, fenced in the yard and kept her. What was a temporary situation, became permanent. Three years into the deal, it was not fair to have her leave to live in a townhouse. Our home was her home for 9 years. Anna and Chris loved her so much when they came along and she loved them!! Sammy was 12 when she died. Chris, Anna and I did foster a friend's dog for about a year and a half. When he had to go back to his real parents, Chris's friends came to say good bye. A short ride in a huge camper vehicle was part of the festivities. We heard recently that our fostered dog, Cowboy aka Buddy Guy also crossed the rainbow bridge.
Chris's grandmother and uncle on the Carlino side of the family had dogs too. Christopher got along with even the big ones- Mastives of all shapes and sizes. Chris met Beth's and Keith's dog Moose when Moose was a puppy- a Heinz 57 like Panda was. I can still see Chris and Moose playing an running together at a park in Toms River, NJ area so many years ago. Chris would take another uncle's cat for a ride in a stroller when he was just a toddler himself.
Many of the family's and friend's dogs and cats have crossed that rainbow bridge. Zion joined them today.
Now for today's update:
Anna and Chris still love dogs. In fact, they both have rescued pitbulls. Chris and Kelly also have cats. Some of you may know of the few days at Christmas when Lola, Anna and Jeff's dog, escaped out the door of where she was staying. It was a tense time, but Anna and Jeff, after her rescue, were so grateful to all the people who took time away from their work and social life schedules to help find her. After escaping on Christmas night, she was found three days later by a caring stranger. Many family members and strangers walked, called, and offered real help. People and dogs- hard to separate! Zion helped in the search.
Zion, Christopher's and Kelly's dog, crossed over the rainbow bridge today. He was such a chill dog. I am impelled to tell his story as I know it. I have no shoe to bite and I am too far away to hug Chris and Kelly or Trinity, Maggie or Reggie..so I am writing!!
Christopher met Zion while working with a social service agency in NJ. He was just out of college and working with AmeriCorps. He lived with a group of men who are truly, truly his best friends- some since childhood.
A woman Chris knew was in a difficult situation and needed to find temporary placement for her dog. What started out as a temporary situation became a permanent situation. I am so proud of Christopher. He took Zion at a time when most young men are not taking on responsibility such as owning and caring for a dog..
I was concerned because of the situation and I only knew what the news reports of pitbulls. The news doesn't get it right very often now does it. Zion was one of the most chill dogs I have ever met.
He not only got along with every person he met, he got along with every dog and cat too. Even "outdoor cat" at one of their apartments was a friend of Zion's!
Christopher's wife, Kelly, loves cats and dogs and all animals too. One day she was asked to take in a cat, Maggie, as a kitten. Maggie lived with Chris, Zion and the other men in the house until Chris and Kelly established their own home. Another dog, Trinity, and another cat, Reggie, Zion had animal siblings who will mourn his absence. Maggie, Reggie and Trinity will help at this time!!
Trinity staying by Zion when he first started to take the turn.
When Chris and Kelly exchanged their marriage vows, Zion carried the rings. He looked very dashing wearing a yellow tie!
Early on, Zion stayed with me one night in my apartment in Somers Point, NJ when I lived there . I was not supposed to have pets, but Zion was a visitor. I was a little concerned. Christopher had warned me that when he would leave the room, Zion would whine. He whined when Chris and Kelly left to go visit friends. I knew it was not serious so I tried to comfort him. I sat on a chair and Zion tried to sit in my lap. (Whenever I sit in that chair now, I think of Zion.) Since I lived in an apartment I had to call Chris and Kelly to come home (about 1 am). They came and got him and then went to a friend's house with him. Needlessly, I was concerned that they took him to the friend's home because they had a dog. I didn't know at the time that Zion was a universal lover! If I had trusted the judgement of Chris at the time, I would have lifted Zion up on my bed. Lessons learned.
Eventually, Zion was one of my sleeping companions along with the other animals strategically placed through the years. Two and three dogs nights when we all would get together were not uncommon!
Another time I was concerned about how Zion would react was when he met Lola for the first time. Zion was known for being well built if you know what I mean. He was a gentleman and Chris, Kelly, Anna and Jeff supervised the first meeting. My kids assured me all was well. Lola fell in love at first site. The picture here is not a unique one. Lola and Zion often snuggled when they were together!!
The story of Zion would not be complete from my perspective without mentioning the names of those who helped Chris parent him through the years. I know in recent times, Kelly's parents loved and cared for Zion (and the rest of the crew) when needed. Kelly's sister and her boyfriend also have. Steve, Josh, Danny and their wives and girlfriend's also loved Zion. They also helped care for him at times through the years. There have been roommates and friends who "lived in" when Chris and Kelly went on vacation. There have been friends who have shared the couch with Zion too. The "REV" is one of them.
Christopher and Kelly made a road trip in May to Pittsburgh to see us. We knew it would be Zion's last trip here. He got a chance to meet, Sheldon, the newest member in Anna's and Jeff's family. I was in that pile for awhile that day!! Zion is on the floor. Sleeping from left to right on the sofa are Trinity, Sheldon and Lola.
Animals can leave footprints on our hearts. May they enjoy their reward for being man's best friend when they cross over the rainbow bridge. All God's creatures great and small- we know God loves them all.
Christopher and Kelly would love to do something for all animals. As a child I told him as hard as it is, we can't. So you have to take the best care of the animals that are put in your life. Chris and Kelly did that with Zion. He was much loved. He will be greatly missed.
TOTOTOTO!!!!
Marian R. Carlino
August 11, 2018
Have you ever loved anyone or anything so much, that you are impelled to express your emotions- in unusual, but socially acceptable ways?
When two of my sisters and I were younger, my older brother, Bill, bought a puppy to our house. My parents were not exactly thrilled but Panda soon became one of the family. My sister, Beth, loved him so much. One day, she said, " I love him so much I have to bite his shoe." Panda's favorite toy was a plastic dog toy shaped like a man's shoe. So my bar for loving one so much is the one Beth set!! It was a child's honest expression of love!
After my mom died, Ross and I took Panda and cared for him for about three years before he had to cross the rainbow bridge. My dad was still alive at the time but could not care for Panda. Through the years, they had become best buds. The call to my dad that Panda had died was a difficult call. Panda was 16.
My sister, Beth and her husband, have loved and cared for dogs their entire life together. She and her husband have given a great home to several dogs through the years. Some were rescued and some were brought to the home as puppies. All had/have special personalities. She does not bite their shoes but they have been known to chew on a few of their shoes!! The summer I moved to Pittsburgh, two of their dogs crossed over the rainbow bridge. They now have two other dogs- one rescued and one from the puppy stage.
Chris, my son, has loved dogs his entire life. He was born after we took on the responsibility of the Carlino family dog, named Sammy. Sammy and her original parents lived with us for a brief time when Sammy was a puppy. She knew Panda and as a puppy drove him a little crazy during that time. But Sammy moved with her parents to Florida for a time. She arrived back on our door step in May 1985, the day we moved into our house in Somers Point. We were not going to take her but the look on her face was pleading with us. She would have stayed in a home of acquaintances at the time, but Ross and I couldn't resist her looks. So we took her in, fenced in the yard and kept her. What was a temporary situation, became permanent. Three years into the deal, it was not fair to have her leave to live in a townhouse. Our home was her home for 9 years. Anna and Chris loved her so much when they came along and she loved them!! Sammy was 12 when she died. Chris, Anna and I did foster a friend's dog for about a year and a half. When he had to go back to his real parents, Chris's friends came to say good bye. A short ride in a huge camper vehicle was part of the festivities. We heard recently that our fostered dog, Cowboy aka Buddy Guy also crossed the rainbow bridge.
Chris's grandmother and uncle on the Carlino side of the family had dogs too. Christopher got along with even the big ones- Mastives of all shapes and sizes. Chris met Beth's and Keith's dog Moose when Moose was a puppy- a Heinz 57 like Panda was. I can still see Chris and Moose playing an running together at a park in Toms River, NJ area so many years ago. Chris would take another uncle's cat for a ride in a stroller when he was just a toddler himself.
Many of the family's and friend's dogs and cats have crossed that rainbow bridge. Zion joined them today.
Now for today's update:
Anna and Chris still love dogs. In fact, they both have rescued pitbulls. Chris and Kelly also have cats. Some of you may know of the few days at Christmas when Lola, Anna and Jeff's dog, escaped out the door of where she was staying. It was a tense time, but Anna and Jeff, after her rescue, were so grateful to all the people who took time away from their work and social life schedules to help find her. After escaping on Christmas night, she was found three days later by a caring stranger. Many family members and strangers walked, called, and offered real help. People and dogs- hard to separate! Zion helped in the search.
Zion, Christopher's and Kelly's dog, crossed over the rainbow bridge today. He was such a chill dog. I am impelled to tell his story as I know it. I have no shoe to bite and I am too far away to hug Chris and Kelly or Trinity, Maggie or Reggie..so I am writing!!
Christopher met Zion while working with a social service agency in NJ. He was just out of college and working with AmeriCorps. He lived with a group of men who are truly, truly his best friends- some since childhood.
A woman Chris knew was in a difficult situation and needed to find temporary placement for her dog. What started out as a temporary situation became a permanent situation. I am so proud of Christopher. He took Zion at a time when most young men are not taking on responsibility such as owning and caring for a dog..
I was concerned because of the situation and I only knew what the news reports of pitbulls. The news doesn't get it right very often now does it. Zion was one of the most chill dogs I have ever met.
He not only got along with every person he met, he got along with every dog and cat too. Even "outdoor cat" at one of their apartments was a friend of Zion's!
Christopher's wife, Kelly, loves cats and dogs and all animals too. One day she was asked to take in a cat, Maggie, as a kitten. Maggie lived with Chris, Zion and the other men in the house until Chris and Kelly established their own home. Another dog, Trinity, and another cat, Reggie, Zion had animal siblings who will mourn his absence. Maggie, Reggie and Trinity will help at this time!!
Trinity staying by Zion when he first started to take the turn.
When Chris and Kelly exchanged their marriage vows, Zion carried the rings. He looked very dashing wearing a yellow tie!
Early on, Zion stayed with me one night in my apartment in Somers Point, NJ when I lived there . I was not supposed to have pets, but Zion was a visitor. I was a little concerned. Christopher had warned me that when he would leave the room, Zion would whine. He whined when Chris and Kelly left to go visit friends. I knew it was not serious so I tried to comfort him. I sat on a chair and Zion tried to sit in my lap. (Whenever I sit in that chair now, I think of Zion.) Since I lived in an apartment I had to call Chris and Kelly to come home (about 1 am). They came and got him and then went to a friend's house with him. Needlessly, I was concerned that they took him to the friend's home because they had a dog. I didn't know at the time that Zion was a universal lover! If I had trusted the judgement of Chris at the time, I would have lifted Zion up on my bed. Lessons learned.
Eventually, Zion was one of my sleeping companions along with the other animals strategically placed through the years. Two and three dogs nights when we all would get together were not uncommon!
Another time I was concerned about how Zion would react was when he met Lola for the first time. Zion was known for being well built if you know what I mean. He was a gentleman and Chris, Kelly, Anna and Jeff supervised the first meeting. My kids assured me all was well. Lola fell in love at first site. The picture here is not a unique one. Lola and Zion often snuggled when they were together!!
The story of Zion would not be complete from my perspective without mentioning the names of those who helped Chris parent him through the years. I know in recent times, Kelly's parents loved and cared for Zion (and the rest of the crew) when needed. Kelly's sister and her boyfriend also have. Steve, Josh, Danny and their wives and girlfriend's also loved Zion. They also helped care for him at times through the years. There have been roommates and friends who "lived in" when Chris and Kelly went on vacation. There have been friends who have shared the couch with Zion too. The "REV" is one of them.
Christopher and Kelly made a road trip in May to Pittsburgh to see us. We knew it would be Zion's last trip here. He got a chance to meet, Sheldon, the newest member in Anna's and Jeff's family. I was in that pile for awhile that day!! Zion is on the floor. Sleeping from left to right on the sofa are Trinity, Sheldon and Lola.
Animals can leave footprints on our hearts. May they enjoy their reward for being man's best friend when they cross over the rainbow bridge. All God's creatures great and small- we know God loves them all.
Christopher and Kelly would love to do something for all animals. As a child I told him as hard as it is, we can't. So you have to take the best care of the animals that are put in your life. Chris and Kelly did that with Zion. He was much loved. He will be greatly missed.
TOTOTOTO!!!!
Marian R. Carlino
August 11, 2018
They called it Amish Grace-and a 13 year old girl named Marian
The day it happened, one of my close friends texted me, that she wanted to take the kids and get away from the ugliness of this world. I hadn't seen the news so I didn't know the reference at that point. How does one explain a massacre at a quiet school setting in the Amish countryside? If one has never been to the Lancaster County area of Pennsylvania, one would not know that two cultures exist- side by side. Hustling and bustling, yet overall peaceful.
When my children were young, my family visited the area and I have driven through it many times. I often wondered how the Amish could live side by side with the tourist areas. Of course, part of that tourist money is their livelihood. I like city sidewalks and the hustle and bustle of city life, but there was an appealing aspect of the quieter side. Living simply and with family. Possible but not tried by many these days.
So in 2006, when the international news broke that a quiet setting in Lancaster, Pa was torn apart, the news was shocking. The linked article gives some explanation as to why the homicidal/suicidal man took the lives of young children, then his own. It is an interesting read.
The name Marian comes up in the article.
" When the state police arrived, Roberts ordered them to leave the property or he would shoot. He told the girls, “I’m going to make you pay for my daughter.” One of the girls, 13-year old Marian, said, “Shoot me first.” Roberts began shooting each of the girls before finally shooting himself. When the police broke in to the school, two of the girls, including Marian, were dead. Naomi Rose died in the arms of a state trooper."
The teacher's response is interesting:
"When the young teacher saw his guns, she and her mother left the other adults with the children and ran to a nearby house for help. A call was made to 911."
When my children were young, my family visited the area and I have driven through it many times. I often wondered how the Amish could live side by side with the tourist areas. Of course, part of that tourist money is their livelihood. I like city sidewalks and the hustle and bustle of city life, but there was an appealing aspect of the quieter side. Living simply and with family. Possible but not tried by many these days.
So in 2006, when the international news broke that a quiet setting in Lancaster, Pa was torn apart, the news was shocking. The linked article gives some explanation as to why the homicidal/suicidal man took the lives of young children, then his own. It is an interesting read.
The name Marian comes up in the article.
" When the state police arrived, Roberts ordered them to leave the property or he would shoot. He told the girls, “I’m going to make you pay for my daughter.” One of the girls, 13-year old Marian, said, “Shoot me first.” Roberts began shooting each of the girls before finally shooting himself. When the police broke in to the school, two of the girls, including Marian, were dead. Naomi Rose died in the arms of a state trooper."
The teacher's response is interesting:
"When the young teacher saw his guns, she and her mother left the other adults with the children and ran to a nearby house for help. A call was made to 911."
The Amish community of Nickel Mines has been given much credit with offering forgiveness. They offered forgiveness to the man's family. But being human, they can not escape the stages of grief. The Amish also are a community who shun people in their own faith practice, so in this circumstance, the murderer was not one of their own community of believers. The murderer was a vengeful man who hated God. He would be in jail today if he had not committed suicide.
At Nickle Mines, the message that day per the article:
"On the blackboard was a sign with a teddy bear. The sign read “Visitors Bubble Up Our Days”. One revenge minded visitor destroyed it.
I don't agree with the white washing of history, so I have always argued the point that the school districts which have experienced the school massacres or have had any type of violence occur, then try to explain it away, are part of the problem and not part of the solution. Columbine and Parkland, Florida (the name of the high school at Parkland is conveniently not the household name that Columbine is) have been the best examples. The schools experienced the same type of tragedy-20 years apart- of having huge problems explode on the national scene. The Columbine killers real dream was to have the school explode.
"On the blackboard was a sign with a teddy bear. The sign read “Visitors Bubble Up Our Days”. One revenge minded visitor destroyed it.
I don't agree with the white washing of history, so I have always argued the point that the school districts which have experienced the school massacres or have had any type of violence occur, then try to explain it away, are part of the problem and not part of the solution. Columbine and Parkland, Florida (the name of the high school at Parkland is conveniently not the household name that Columbine is) have been the best examples. The schools experienced the same type of tragedy-20 years apart- of having huge problems explode on the national scene. The Columbine killers real dream was to have the school explode.
None of the families have sought vengeance. The families want answers, but they have offered forgiveness as well. Seeking the truth is not about vengeance. I do feel that grace has been shown in many, if not all, of the families which have experienced the tragedies. If grace is what we need after a tragedy, let's try to put grace into effect, in order to prevent one. Those who march after a death and block sidewalks and roadways could learn a thing or two as well from the grace of the Amish.
On a scale of justice, violence begets violence.. and no justice will prevail.
Amish School shooting YouTube video The mother of the 32 year old killer speaks
The wife of the Nickle Mines killer The mother took a fetal position.....
Amish School shooting YouTube video The mother of the 32 year old killer speaks
The wife of the Nickle Mines killer The mother took a fetal position.....
Why should you care? Another school year has started.
Marian R. Carlino
August 11, 2018
Friday, August 10, 2018
Accused of Offering No Hope
I was checking YouTube clips tonight. I was not looking for these, but, the two clips below were in the field of choices. To be honest I was googling other movies that an actor I enjoy watching has made. Hallmark movie actors- who would have thought that Mrs.Kleibold's interviews and talks would pop up.
In 1998, the principal with whom I worked in Northfield, NJ -Northfield Community School accused me of having no hope for the troubled child's future. I thought she was wrong then and the years have taught me that she not only was wrong then, but she was actually the one with no hope for the child's future. Was she afraid that if we could all get on the same page with this troubled child, that we could all be made aware of the other troubled children in the school?
Each time the news breaks about a school shooting, I can not help but to think of my experience in 1998. I was as they say, ahead of a dangerous curve. I took heat for a good decision... a decision I will never regret. I write to encourage others to take a stand. There may actually be someone to whom you can give hope to the future.
Cruz, the shooter at the Parkland, Florida high school was adopted. Both of his adopted parents died. What would the mother have to say about her son should she have been alive on February 14, 2018?
The mother of Dylan Kleibold wrote a book a few years after the massacre at Columbine High School. The same publisher who told me "no one wants to hear the trials and tribulations of a teacher" in response to a book idea I sent him, later wrote the forward to Mrs. Kleibold's book.
The people who speak from the families of the students at Columbine and Parkland speak from a victim standpoint. It helps them come to grips with what happened in their own neighborhood. Did the culture at Columbine contribute to the massacre? Did the culture at Parkland, Florida contribute to the massacre there? If a culture of denial and ignorance is factored in, then the answer is yes. The culture at the two schools contributed to the massacres. The killers were suicidal and no one knew despite violence outbursts factored with depression, arrests (felonies), videos and even self reporting to the police, by Cruz, himself to authorities.
The principals at both schools had their heads stuck in the sand. They did not know the school. They did not know the students who committed the murders. The parents did not know their own children nor of what they would become capable.
Mrs. Kleibold is not an expert on prevention, but she does have a story to tell.
Listen to Mrs. Kleibold… from her perspective.
Dylan Kleibold's mother speaks
Sue Klebold Recalls What Her Son Dylan Was Like at Home: Part 2
The principal with whom I worked had no hope for the child in my class. Lucky for him, I did.
Can the principal with whom I worked look back proudly at her actions today in 2018? She sat proudly and smugly in the public seats hearing the punishment I received as the teacher who protected students? Do the principals at Columbine and the school in Parkland look back knowing they did not do everything they could have done to prevent the massacre?
What about the parents? Do the parents of the child with whom I worked ever think- without hope offered by my son's second grade teacher, that their child could be just another statistic?
We can't change the mistakes of the past, but we can offer hope for the future by learning from the mistakes of the past. In this world, we tend to listen to those who really got it wrong.
As educators and parents we often get it wrong. Sometimes getting it wrong is deadly.
Offer hope for a child's future before it is time to remember the dead.
Why does this matter? Another school year is already underway. What is your definition of hope?
Related to the post about Nickel Mines School shooting and the mother of the shooter there, she says at the end of this short video " I want everyone to know there is hope for a future. There is a tomorrow. The way we approach that tomorrow depends on the choices we make today."
She took a fetal position---
https://bible.org/article/hope
http://www.patheos.com/blogs/christiancrier/2014/05/26/what-is-the-biblical-or-christian-definition-of-hope/
Marian R. Carlino
August 10, 2018
In 1998, the principal with whom I worked in Northfield, NJ -Northfield Community School accused me of having no hope for the troubled child's future. I thought she was wrong then and the years have taught me that she not only was wrong then, but she was actually the one with no hope for the child's future. Was she afraid that if we could all get on the same page with this troubled child, that we could all be made aware of the other troubled children in the school?
Each time the news breaks about a school shooting, I can not help but to think of my experience in 1998. I was as they say, ahead of a dangerous curve. I took heat for a good decision... a decision I will never regret. I write to encourage others to take a stand. There may actually be someone to whom you can give hope to the future.
Cruz, the shooter at the Parkland, Florida high school was adopted. Both of his adopted parents died. What would the mother have to say about her son should she have been alive on February 14, 2018?
The mother of Dylan Kleibold wrote a book a few years after the massacre at Columbine High School. The same publisher who told me "no one wants to hear the trials and tribulations of a teacher" in response to a book idea I sent him, later wrote the forward to Mrs. Kleibold's book.
The people who speak from the families of the students at Columbine and Parkland speak from a victim standpoint. It helps them come to grips with what happened in their own neighborhood. Did the culture at Columbine contribute to the massacre? Did the culture at Parkland, Florida contribute to the massacre there? If a culture of denial and ignorance is factored in, then the answer is yes. The culture at the two schools contributed to the massacres. The killers were suicidal and no one knew despite violence outbursts factored with depression, arrests (felonies), videos and even self reporting to the police, by Cruz, himself to authorities.
The principals at both schools had their heads stuck in the sand. They did not know the school. They did not know the students who committed the murders. The parents did not know their own children nor of what they would become capable.
Mrs. Kleibold is not an expert on prevention, but she does have a story to tell.
Listen to Mrs. Kleibold… from her perspective.
Dylan Kleibold's mother speaks
Sue Klebold Recalls What Her Son Dylan Was Like at Home: Part 2
The principal with whom I worked had no hope for the child in my class. Lucky for him, I did.
Can the principal with whom I worked look back proudly at her actions today in 2018? She sat proudly and smugly in the public seats hearing the punishment I received as the teacher who protected students? Do the principals at Columbine and the school in Parkland look back knowing they did not do everything they could have done to prevent the massacre?
What about the parents? Do the parents of the child with whom I worked ever think- without hope offered by my son's second grade teacher, that their child could be just another statistic?
We can't change the mistakes of the past, but we can offer hope for the future by learning from the mistakes of the past. In this world, we tend to listen to those who really got it wrong.
As educators and parents we often get it wrong. Sometimes getting it wrong is deadly.
Offer hope for a child's future before it is time to remember the dead.
Related to the post about Nickel Mines School shooting and the mother of the shooter there, she says at the end of this short video " I want everyone to know there is hope for a future. There is a tomorrow. The way we approach that tomorrow depends on the choices we make today."
She took a fetal position---
https://bible.org/article/hope
http://www.patheos.com/blogs/christiancrier/2014/05/26/what-is-the-biblical-or-christian-definition-of-hope/
Marian R. Carlino
August 10, 2018
Friday, July 6, 2018
Not Sure What to Call This!
When Dorothy landed in Munchkin Land, a colorful bunch of short people, who talked funny, met her. It was all for effect. They had just been harassed by a lady in black who wore red and white socks and red shiny shoes (at least in the movie version) whose main form of transportation was a broom. Dorothy was in shock from the long nightmarish flight and the Munchkins, too, were surprised. She wasn’t sure what they were talking about until some pointed to the red and white striped legs showing out from under the house.
So, they asked, “Are you a good witch or a bad witch?” Her response, was “Well, I am not a witch at all.” They snickered. They meant no harm. They happened to have a good witch and a bad witch in their town. All were happy. Dorothy appeared to have performed magic or a miracle. Dorothy did not call it a miracle but they thought she had powers to rid them of the wicked witch.
In the real world, if someone is called a witch, it is not meant as a compliment unless you are one. There are religious practices that have witches and warlocks.
Witch with a b: Now, there is another word that they didn’t call Dorothy, that word rhymes with witch. It starts with a “b”. If you have read other entries in my blog you may be aware that being called that by a parent of an angry child put my radar up. I had been called a “b” many times. I have even used the word a few times or so. But this time it was different. A father, with an angry, troubled child, was fueling the fire against not only me, but against the other teachers who were responsible for working with him. Taken in context, the word was a warning. People like to hurt “b”-sometimes more than one at a time.. An angry, violent child does not need a parent calling his or her teachers’ names when they are trying to help.
“Quirky”- they didn’t use that word as far as I know in the Wizard of Oz, but I have been called it- twice in significant situations. My work wasn’t “quirky”, I was called “quirky” by a principal and a Catholic priest. According to Bing, quirky means:
[ˈkwərkē]
ADJECTIVE
characterized by peculiar or unexpected traits.
"her sense of humor was decidedly quirky"
synonyms: eccentric · idiosyncratic · unconventional · unorthodox · unusual · off-center · strange · bizarre · weird · peculiar · odd · freakish · outlandish · offbeat · out of the ordinary · Bohemian · [more]
Take your pick. I don’t think it was meant as a compliment. The use was in two conversations about two different children in two different learning situations about 14 years apart from each other. Funny, the priest had been a principal at one time and the principal later became principal at the school church (after her retirement as a superintendent). Would you call that situation, “quirky”?
Incompetent- No, not in the movie. Scarecrow thought he was incompetent but he showed the witch and all the others who thought he didn’t have a brain. Yes, I was labeled, in writing in reference to my decision to protect my class, as incompetent. Unemployment later called my testimony “competent”. Incompetent usually means -one does not have the slightest capability to do something. in·com·pe·tent
[inˈkämpədənt]
ADJECTIVE
not having or showing the necessary skills to do something successfully.
"a forgetful and utterly incompetent assistant"
synonyms: inept · unskillful · unskilled · inexpert · amateurish · unprofessional · [more]
NOUN
an incompetent person.
synonyms: bungler · blunderer · incompetent · oaf · dunce · dolt · dunderhead · [more]
Twit- nope, I have never been called that but add a letter and yes, #metoocalledafemalebodypart
So, while standing in front of PP last December, a robust looking red- haired man who didn’t like our presence, criticized me for standing there. He wasn’t driving but it was a near miss when the car in which he was riding pulled up to the curb. He told me I was not allowed to stand in the road as I was crossing to the other side of the buffer zone. I asked him if he knew of the constraints of the buffer zone and Constitutional rights. He went low, I went high. He called me a “twit with the extra letter”. I called security as he walked into the building next to PP. When we are called names while standing in front of PP, it is sometimes the people who work in part of that building or who work for tbe Trust. They wear their identification lanyards. It doesn’t matter to them that babies are aborted next door to their theater. (Well, it doesn’t seem to bother those on the first floor.) The President of the Cultural Trust was notified. Name calling, I believe, is less of a problem from them now. And people who are pro-life may “tweet” but none are “twits or tw—ts”.
The dictionary does not list it except in the “urban” dictionary. I am not sure the word existed when Dorothy first came into her creator's mind.
Debbie Downer- Google says: “Debbie Downer is a name of a fictional Saturday Night Live character who debuted in 2004, and who was portrayed by Rachel Dratch . The character's name, Debbie Downer , is a slang phrase which refers to someone who frequently adds bad news and negative feelings to a gathering, thus bringing down the mood of everyone around them.”
When one brings up in a conversation (already slanted to the topics of school violence or abortion) one may often get called “Debbie Downer”. I have actually been told to stop talking. So, I did. Jesus walked away too. Dorothy was kind of a downer too. After all, she was battling a bad witch.
SNL, a show which knows how to insult the best in the world. The writers evidently never watched The Wizard of Oz.
Kids just want to have fun- but when they die in school shootings or in abortions, they never get a chance to stay up late enough to watch the character assassinations.
Trumper- Now this is the one that is so politically charged this year that it has caused people to be escorted out of restaurants, have drinks thrown in their faces, and caused a racial divide, political divide and divided families. If anyone truly knows me, I am truly not a huge fan. But I am a realist and a pro-lifer. A vote for the other candidate would have been against not only my religious beliefs but my conscience. There are a whole lot of us out there much to the chagrin of the other candidate who was often called the "b" word.
Again, this word is not in the dictionary but it is listed in the urban dictionary. In context as it is stated in front of PP, it is an insult. In context as it is stated on FB, it is meant as an insult. Trump is pro-life. But he may also be quirky! He, however, as some would think, is not incompetent.
Christian- stated with an insulting tone. People can get away with calling someone a “Christian” with a negative tone but don’t call a person of another faith with the same tone nor people of other preferences. It can land one in court. What does one actually have against a man who performed miracles? Are they jealous because the best they can do is cast spells?
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but when I am called a name meant to insult, I know I am on the path that leads all to freedom. Some do not understand the high road because it is less traveled- especially these days.
Whatever the mob or crowd says you are, never forget you are a child of God.
Love,
Marian - aka Some call me “the good witch”. But what is good?
July 6, 2018
Love,
Marian - aka Some call me “the good witch”. But what is good?
July 6, 2018
Thursday, July 5, 2018
BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU ASK FOR- WHERE WAS THE OUTRAGE?
In 2008, I wrote the following editorial. I have made no "notations" so I am not sure if it was published but at the time, 10 years ago, the Safe Haven law became problematic for Nebraska. If you do not know what the Safe Haven laws are, you will have to google the law in your state.
Nebraska's legal efforts to help protect the lives of infants and babies with safe haven laws are in the national spotlight because parents are choosing to bring children as old as teenagers to leave in state custody. This might seem like a new phenomenon, but in reality, the abandonment of parental responsibility is nothing new. Abandonment comes in many forms and is costing this nation and our culture of life. Parenting is not for the weak. Some adults may need assistance helping to deal with the stress involved with raising children. Other adults need to learn that parenting involves sacrifice. We are not a nation that values the most precious resource of all, our children. From conception, our children are at risk of legal abandonment.
Marian R. Carlino November 14, 2008
"But the story of how and why she did has taken on a freshly painful significance for her in the last two months. It is one that Byers, now the president of the board of the Nebraska Family Support Network, is hearing over and over again from other parents. In September, Nebraska enacted its now-infamous Safe Haven law, allowing parents to leave children up to age 18 at hospitals throughout the state without going through the more involved custody relinquishment process. Thirty-five kids, mostly preteens and teens—five of them from other states—were dropped off before the state legislature hastily convened to amend the law on Nov. 21. In some cases, these families' circumstances—their tragedies and unmet needs—were the same as those that had driven Byers to give up custody of her own daughter. Many of the teens were suffering from mental illness and behavioral problems; they had depleted their families' financial
Nebraska's legal efforts to help protect the lives of infants and babies with safe haven laws are in the national spotlight because parents are choosing to bring children as old as teenagers to leave in state custody. This might seem like a new phenomenon, but in reality, the abandonment of parental responsibility is nothing new. Abandonment comes in many forms and is costing this nation and our culture of life. Parenting is not for the weak. Some adults may need assistance helping to deal with the stress involved with raising children. Other adults need to learn that parenting involves sacrifice. We are not a nation that values the most precious resource of all, our children. From conception, our children are at risk of legal abandonment.
Marian R. Carlino November 14, 2008
The following is a link to an article written in 2008. The Aftermath
and emotional wells. Two of the families sought out Byers' help. "The crisis that these children and families were in was one where the parents had gotten to the point of saying, 'Oh my God, my child is going to end up in jail or worse, dead'," she says. "They felt they had no choice but to do this."
The Aftermath.. a day after the Nebraska's amended Safe Haven law—which went into effect Nov. 22, (2008) a day after the state's Republican Gov. David Heineman signed off—now applies only to babies under 30 days old. Many child advocates applaud the fix; they say parents of older children should never use safe-haven laws, lest they scar their children with the stigma of abandonment."
(2008)- "Child welfare is one of the least-funded programs in every state," says Father Steven Boes, the national executive director of Boys Town, which has campuses in 12 states. "
http://www.newsweek.com/aftermath-nebraskas-safe-haven-law-83271 (See link- under The Aftermath above.
Was there outrage?
This information is vital to dealing with child assault prevention- from the womb to the classroom to the street.
Marian R. Carlino
July 5, 2018
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