I am still active in child assault prevention. In addition to writing about the issue, I address the issue in our religious education at our parish. In the Catholic Church, each parish must have safe environment training for the children as well as adults. No adult can work as a volunteer in any Catholic Church parish in New Jersey without a background check and participation in child assault prevention training. The same constraints are on our school districts. School districts still have a long way to go in actually protecting children though. Some let the perpetrators stay in their midst as we have seen in the news of a south Jersey high school last week involving three male teachers, teenage female students, and two administrators who allegedly knew of the relationships and covered them up.
In a pedestrian society where people don't want to "judge others", we miss warning signs of problems and spend a lot of time and effort on rescue and recovery. Prevention stops something from happening. Rescue and recovery is about cleaning up the mess.
For the last four years, I have been presenting to children and adults short talks and scenarios. Last year not long after the presentations, the news about the Jerry Sandusky assaults on adolescents came out. The trial of the priests in Philadelphia was also looming. The Philadelphia news was covering the events 24/7. Everyone had an opinion.
In early October this year, I started the presentations again. Each year the children hear similar information but a different role play or scenario is discussed. The children are familiar with the term "stranger danger" which I do not use. Realistically, children and adults are more likely to be hurt or killed by someone they know rather than a "stranger." A stranger is someone we don't know. We get to know "strangers" by talking to them and allowing them into our personal space. Of course, we are to welcome the stranger. Most of us, who are friends now, were at one point in time, "strangers." I have been helped by and met very kind and loving people by being willing to create a relationship with "strangers'.
That being said, children and adults need to be cautious before letting someone into their personal space. Those who choose to hurt us use tricks and other techniques to get close. Jerry Sandusky, from all legal reports and testimony, was a classic case of "grooming" in which a perpetrator gains the confidence of children then hurts them. Adults are as susceptible to "grooming' as are children.
A person with false motives may appear very friendly, good looking and well dressed. Children will run or keep their distance from a scary looking person even if that person is completely innocent of wrong doing. When I was a child there was a woman who lived near us. Children can be cruel also which is why we have the bullying problems in our schools. As I remember from my very young years, most of us referred to the woman as "crazy Helen" even though she never hurt anyone. She may have had mental health or retardation issues, but was actually the one mistreated. When she walked along our street, we would say "Here comes crazy Helen." and go into our yards. On the other hand, "smooth operators", people to whom children will gravitate, may actually be the perpetrators. They are not the creepy ones until they start to act on their crimes.
Every society has this problem. We live in an open culture where people will talk more. Secrets are still kept and the messengers can get shut down but it is still an open society. Other cultures with theocracies or dictatorships allow these problems to go on too. Although, not openly discussed, assaults can happen without any condemnation. Cultures which continuously work in the dark allow sanctioned child abuse.
Yesterday, one of the scenarios discussed involved a s"stranger scenario". Last Friday, a child went missing on her way to school in Colorado. The event has made national news with updates. The FBI is involved. The agency is asking anyone to step forward who may have a piece of the puzzle.
Much thanks to the father of Adam. His six year old child was abducted from a store and murdered in Florida many years ago. Adam's parents turned their loss and grief into focusing on prevention. The father is the host of the America's Most Wanted show which is an "after the fact" show. The show discusses cases and asks people to call in with their tips. The show has led to arrests and convictions of perpetrators nationwide.
I lived in central New Jersey until I was 19. In a wealthy town near us (our football rival) when I was in high school, a man murdered his entire family and disappeared. His car was found at the international airport near us. The horrific crime was an unsolved case for many years. A forensic artist did a sculpture of what the perpetrator would look like years later. The artist's rendition of the face was aired on national television. The man, John Lisk, who killed his entire family was apprehended many years after the murders, while living a new life in a western state. Justice was finally served on earth because someone had the piece of the puzzle and came forward.
Whether a perpetrator is a known assailant or a stranger the description of the assailant is important. There are some descriptive features that can be readily changed so the description has to involve information that a perpetrator can not change. I addressed this with the children yesterday. One of the features I was trying to get the children to identify was the color of the perpetrators skin. We stick to what was seen and not creating false descriptions. Clothing, hair color, length of hair, facial hair, wearing glasses are all helpful to the overall description, but these features can be easily changed.
So, in getting a description, we need to focus on features that can not be changed or changed quickly. The sex of the perpetrator is very important Not all perpetrators are men although the statistics show that most are. The children had no problem identifying the sex of the role player in the video.
The color of one's skin is important. It is not discriminatory to describe a person's skin when giving a police report. In the presentation yesterday, I had to finally answer the question as to what the man's color was, although that is not typical for these presentations. However, yesterday the child's response was indicative of some problems related to political correctness. When I had to go as far as ask if the man was black or white, the children agreed the man was white. The young boy said to me that he was going to say that but he did "not want to be racist." The presentation was given to a fourth grade group. I explained that it is okay. That skin color is usually a shade of white or black and it is part of our descriptive process. "Do we describe someone as green?" "No." they all answered. It is made very clear that creating a false description is more harmful than not knowing enough to give solid information.
When it comes to crime, making up a false description would be wrong. Falsifying identity of someone as a different color would be "racist". But, identifying a person who is suspected of committing a crime by skin color is smart. It is also smart to identify the sex of a person, color of eyes, voice tones, accent, height, and weight.
We don't want to talk about some of these issues because they are serious. However, children have the right to be safe. God is quite clear about how we are to treat children. He sees the bigger picture and gives warning signs and pieces of the puzzle.
The young child in Colorado has been missing from her home for over a week now. The statistics are not in her favor to be found alive if she was taken by a stranger or someone who commits sexual assaults. The parents have been ruled out as suspects in this crime. The FBI is concerned. It is a crime that has garnered the attention of the media. How will you let it affect your local environment?
We can not protect our children from everything. We need to prepare them though. Trusting in a loving God can be a start. Recognizing that there is evil in the world has to be part of the discussion too.
I am grateful for the opportunity to talk to the children. Adults need to listen also and talk with their children.
Marian R. Carlino
October 12, 2012
Marian R. Carlino
October 12, 2012
