As a direct result of the school shooting in Connecticut, the ownership of guns is once again being discussed. Although gun ownership is part of the discussion, it should not be the focal point. On the same day as the shooting in Newtown, Conn. where nothing was prevented, a plot to kill students was foiled in Oklahoma directed at a high school. The "plotter" in Oklahoma is 18 so we get to learn his name. That is the school we should be looking at for answers. Although there was intervention, there was still no prevention because now an angry student is in deep legal trouble. And, an entire school is dealing with the "Oh My God, Newtown could have been us." That being said, no one was killed because people communicated with each other.
Several years ago, a group advocated for ASK. ASK is the acronym for Asking Saves Kids. One can ask if firearms are located at a house where children play. If the owners are upfront, they will probably respond "yes...but the guns are locked away and out of the hands of the children". If the response is not one that meets with common sense requirements either moral or legal, allow the children to play at a home that does not house weapons. But of course, will an adult ask if a gun is in a house?
Common sense parenting is important when children play together. Unattended children or children with mental health problems use matches too. Children have a fascination with fire as well as with guns. We just witnessed an angry man set fire to his home after allegedly killing his sister, setting the house ablaze and ambushing the responding firefighters. Two firefighters were killed and two wounded. Will firefighters have to bring armed guards with them when they respond to any event because this man, who had beaten his grandmother to death when he was 20 years old, redefine safety issues related to firefighting?
Police have learned the hard way that when responding to domestic disputes, that they do not go alone. In fact, several cars can show up. Domestic disputes have become deadly for the police. They learned from history. That is something we don't seem to understand with these "watershed events" related to school shootings.
The shooting in Newtown and in New York at the scene of the fire were probably a direct result of a domestic dispute. It is said that the sniper in New York left a suicide note. Both shooters took their anger to the community. They killed family members first.
So, who knew that the anger level was escalating? Who knew that the person had a gun? Were there threats? Were there typical signs of trouble before the actual event escalated to national news level? Friends of the mother of the shooter in Newtown have said many things since the shooting. Did they speak up before it?
One major clue to prevention before swat teams are brought in is communication. It is not a violation of anyone's rights to report an issue to police or mental health agencies. Of course, the school psychologist reportedly did not go beyond campus police when dealing with a homicidal student in Aurora, Colorado. If she had reported to authorities his verbal threat to kill others, would the police have found his cache of weapons and bombs before the massacre at a movie theater?
Divorced people know that the most dangerous time for the family's life is during the divorce process. It does not take a genius or expert to read the signs and act to prevent or intervene early one. Unresolved disputes can escalate way beyond their natural level when vengeful anger factors in.
Resolving conflicts involves getting involved. And understanding, that violence can indeed happen in any house or neighborhood. How ridiculous it sounds when people think that a rural area or pretty neighborhood is not susceptible.
The mantra now is to list the names of gun owners. Let's punish everyone for the criminals. That seems to be the course of action. Should we publish the names of gun owners? That will not help the situation. I can not tell you the name of the sexual predator who lived on my block in my town without facing criminal charges but you can find it on the Megan's List. How many sexual predators strike out again even when on the list? (See "Not in My Neighborhood. Yes, in My Neighborhood."
I do know that when the "Monday morning quarterbacking" is completed after a shooting, the answers are always the same. Someone had access to a tool, used it in anger to injure others. Often times the history goes back to what they did when they were children. We can't stop all violence...but we can use common sense approaches to dealing with it in our lives.
We can start by teaching children that regardless of the issues in their lives, hurting others is not the answer. So don't tell the table it is bad when your kid falls into it or beat the dog if it takes food off a low table.
Parenting is difficult but raising a child is a better route to prevention than fixing an adult. It has been a problem historically to get that right..and no one gets a pass.
Marian R. Carlino
December 26, 2012
